Author Note: Just in time for Thanksgiving, this is one of my all-time favorite posts. I hope you enjoy reading it as much this time around as the first time.

Overheard on... the phone

“Wrapping each other up in towels and cramming themselves into the laundry baskets may be fun, but it’s not really sustainable fun.”

My sister and I were talking about our Thanksgiving dinner but I found I had to keep raising my voice to be heard over the mayhem occurring in the background of her house. As usual, with a family of six, there was a stack of laundry that needed sorting and folding. However from what I could hear on my end of the phone it sounded like every time she made a pile, one of the kids or family pets would ruin it. Definitely not sustainable fun!

I was intrigued by this phrase though, wondering if it might capture a whole new parenting vocabulary. Not just sustainable fun but also sustainable work or schedule or communication or friendship. At my daughter’s age of eight few ideas stay sustainable.

For example, she recently decided to help feed our dog. In concept, fantastic. In reality, one forgotten meal and the plan was dumped. Definitely not sustainable.

Or we decided at one point that rather than argue about things that made her unhappy we would pay attention when she raised her hand and
discuss it logically, reaching a decision after hearing from her. I think it was the conversation that went something like; “It’s time to-” hand raised and discussion, “I was not going to say homework, I was going to say brush hair-” hand raised and discussion, “If you are willing to go out like that-” hand raised and discussion, “Yes, we still have to go to church.” Hand raised and discussion. … You get the idea. After half an hour of this I had completely forgotten my original request, we were late to church, and she still didn’t have her hair brushed or know what the consequence would be. Definitely not a sustainable plan.

Sustainability, whether in our energy plans or in our families, takes a future view that is not always easy to see through the murk of our everyday lives. We want what we want when we want it. Still, it is a goal worth pursuing. A sustainable goal, if you will.  

My sister eventually did make it out of her house, ready for an activity that wouldn’t leave her house in shambles or one of her children in tears. The laundry, however, is still sitting there.

“We sat in bed and laughed at your videos last night.”

Why does this not surprise me? I have been acclimating myself to the idea that this is my year of humility. Fitting, I think, since my book releases are making me a more public figure. My daughter likes to think I am famous… but aren’t we all within our own circles?

With publicity, though, comes attention. To be honest, I am not really big on attention. I like not having to wear make-up or worry about how I am being perceived. I am happy to have my characters take center stage. As a reader, though, I like to get to know the author of the books I enjoy. I always read the bio and sometimes even follow them on Twitter (btw – if you want to find me there, go to @dwilsted… or if you want to see one of my character’s tweets go to @jessatbettingj)

So, it may be that readers of BETTING JESSICA or UNTANGLING THE KNOT are also curious about me. Obviously my bio is published (link here). But now, with my goal of learning how to kick a field goal, my personal achievements
will be balanced by my personal failures…. And in a comic way.

By now you have probably seen my video blog about this journey. While I have jumped into this with both feet, part of me knew that the water was shallow enough I could wade out if I wanted. Not so anymore. I think I just threw myself into the deep end by inviting the help of a professional athletic trainer, Alex Molden. He has agreed to begin working with me to build the strength and mobility I will need to actually accomplish my goal (without hurting myself in the process).

There is nothing like including someone else in a project to ensure commitment. In this case I am fortunate to be working with one of the best. Perhaps Alex will also be able to help me understand how to handle public attention, since he himself has had lots of it over his lifetime (first playing football for the University of Oregon and then later in the NFL). He even has his own Wikipedia page. 

So, check in over at my Untangling the Knot Vlog page in a few weeks to catch my first training session with him… it may be that my humility will reach an all new high.

“We saw Menopause the Musical here. It’s the kind of show you have to see with girlfriends.”

Hormones are interesting, don’t you think? When we are young, they make us do crazy things. And then, when we get older, they make us do even crazier things. In between they drive us nuts twice a month (ovulation and PMS
in case you aren’t as attuned to these times as I have become). 
 
I don’t get it. I’m not technically going through the big change yet (no, not from Ellen to Oprah – I’m talking about menopause), but I already get night sweats. Last night they came on so strong I was actually sweating inside my ear, something I didn’t even know could happen.

What environmental factor, exactly, is all of this craziness supposed to be supporting? I mean, couldn’t we get our period without also wanting to shoot the person with a full cart who got into line at the grocery store just before we did? Wouldn’t you think God could have made it so that, in puberty, we could start to think guys are sort of worth our time without also needing to wear water-proof mascara in case our hair clip slips loose?

When my sister and I talked about menopause she assured me that until I went everywhere in flip-flops I had nothing to worry about. This seems like a reasonable, if somewhat terrifying, marker. What sort of extreme biological fluctuations must be happening inside women’s bodies for our body temp to go up so bizarrely high? The closest I might compare it to would be the way my body began to sweat and shake when I injured myself and was in severe  pain. Could it be that our bodies are responding to exactly that sort of crisis?

The only sure conclusion I have reached is that Mary, the mother of God, must have been on the younger side of 40 when Jesus died. Because, I am sure that, had she gone through the wonderful joys of menopause before he died,
she would have made it a priority for him to get the system fixed.

“Poor Rudolph has a cold.”

.  .  .  And I didn’t even know reindeer could catch colds. Apparently they didn’t realize he was sick because, with a red nose, it was hard to tell. The good news is that he is getting better and should be able to fly for Christmas.

I am beginning to think that I enjoy our trips to see Santa even more than my daughter does. Whereas she is focused on making sure he knows her wish list, I am filled with questions about what it is like to be the most famous, magical, person of all time.

Of course there are many ways for me to answer some of my questions. I can go directly to the source and look up historical information on St. Nicholas (http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/) such as that he was born in AD 270 in the town of Patara, and is the patron saint of Bakers and Pawnbrokers.

My early childhood knowledge of Santa Claus came from the annual Holiday special, Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, with Fred Astair and Mickey Rooney. I especially appreciated the way it explained why Santa does what he does, like come down the chimney and laugh his jolly laugh.

This year, though, as my daughter’s questions about Santa are becoming more complex I think it is time to introduce her to the all-time great movie, The Santa Clause, starring Tim Allen. So perfectly considered it
uses the magic of TV to demonstrate the magic of Santa; clarifying how Santa lives forever and that we do not need a chimney for Santa to visit.

And, by the way…. In case you still have any remaining questions. Santa is on twitter (@pnpSanta) and happily engages his followers. In fact, only this week he asked me to send him my Christmas list. Here it is: a brilliant idea for revising Molto Mayhem, a white Christmas morning, a jolly laugh for all of my fans, friends and family, peace in the Middle East, and…. A hankie for Rudolph.

Happy Christmas.... Ho, Ho, Ho

“Wrapping each other up in towels and cramming themselves into the laundry baskets may be fun, but it’s not really sustainable fun.”

My sister and I were talking about our Thanksgiving dinner but I found I had to keep raising my voice to be heard over the mayhem occurring in the background of her house. As usual, with a family of six, there was a stack of laundry that needed sorting and folding. However from what I could hear on my end of the phone it sounded like every time she made a pile, one of the kids or family pets would ruin it. Definitely not sustainable fun!

I was intrigued by this phrase though, wondering if it might capture a whole new parenting vocabulary. Not just sustainable fun but also sustainable work or schedule or communication or friendship. At my daughter’s age of eight few ideas stay sustainable.

For example, she recently decided to help feed our dog. In concept, fantastic. In reality, one forgotten meal and the plan was dumped. Definitely not sustainable.

Or we decided at one point that rather than argue about things that made her unhappy we would pay attention when she raised her hand and discuss it logically, reaching a decision after hearing from her. I think it was the conversation that went something like; “It’s time to,” hand raised and discussion. “I was not going to say homework, I was going to say brush hair,” hand raised and discussion. “If you are willing to go out like that,”hand raised and discussion. “Yes, we still have to go to church.” Hand raised and discussion. … You get the idea. After half an hour of this I had completely forgotten my original request, we were late to church, and she still didn’t have her hair brushed or know what the consequence would be. Definitely not a sustainable plan.

Sustainability, whether in our energy plans or in our families, takes a future view that is not always easy to see through the murk of our everyday lives. We want what we want when we want it. Still, it is a goal worth pursuing. A sustainable goal, if you will.  

My sister eventually did make it out of her house, ready for an activity that wouldn’t leave her house in shambles or one of her children in tears. The laundry, however, is still sitting there.

“This election is a joke.”

It is election day, and around the country people (who haven’t already) are attempting to cast their ballots. It isn’t only the federal election that demands participation. On a state and local level the battles are just as serious and ferocious. I suppose that is why, though it might be a joke, no one is laughing.

So I thought I would add a little bi-partisan humor to your day; something to make you smile as you waited in line to vote or, anxiously, for the results to be tallied. 

You might be a….

Republican if:
- You’ve named your kids, deduction one and deduction two.
- The only union you support is the baseball players, because heck, they’re richer than you are.
- You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
- When people say Marx, you think Groucho.

Democrat if:
- You own something that says, “Dukakis for President,” and still display it.
- You’ve never been mugged; you give it away.
- You got teary-eyed during the film, “The American President.”
- Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.

The Secret of Success… is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.

All I ask… is the chance to show that money won’t make me happy. (Ashleigh Brilliant)

I wanted to go to… the paranoids anonymous meeting; but they wouldn’t tell me where it was.
(For all you conspiracy theorists out there.)

If all the world is… a stage, then where is the audience sitting?

Everything should be made…as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Why isn’t there a tax… on stuff I don’t like?

And finally…
Everything is controlled by…a small, evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Voting is not a joke… it is a right and a privilege. So GO! Appreciate this gift of democracy.

(This blog is dedicated to my brother, Michael Sprinkle, for getting involved. Good Luck, Michael!)