Overheard at . . . - Deanne's Writing World

Overheard at . . . the DMV

5/6/2014

A person peeing and a toilet flushing.

Have you ever noticed that for most overhears our brain eagerly seeks out an image to represent it?

I overhear a mom reading to a toddler, and without even seeing it I picture the child sitting on the mom’s lap, maybe even eating a cookie or treat.

I overhear a truck passing by with music blaring, and I picture what the driver looks like, including details like his pierced ear or mustache.

But guess what? Sitting next to the bathroom at the DMV (for an hour and a half) I realized there are some things I really don’t want to visualize. A guy peeing happens to be one of them. It got me thinking: what other sounds would I not want to connect with an image?

Of course there is the generally accepted, parents having sex, but what else? For me most bodily functions are off limits…. Changing a pad during a period, someone picking their nose (although I’m not sure what sound I would overhear associated with that one), and someone scratching their chest.

But the thing is that as a writer, when I create my characters, I have to imagine them doing all of these things. Why? As readers (or viewers of media) we aren’t typically subjected to these images. But it doesn’t mean the character doesn’t do them. And no, before you call my husband in concern, I don’t mean that I believe my characters are alive. What I mean is that I have to take into account the fact that if my character has a cold they will, undoubtedly need to blow their nose. And, if I have set them someplace where there is no tissue handy (like in the woods,) well then they will pick their nose or wipe it on their sleeve.

Do you remember the Amazing Race final episode where the sisters were racing for the finish line and one of them had to use the toilet, costing them the race? Was I the only person to imagine her simply peeing her pants? For some reason I am okay visualizing this. But ask me to picture her sitting on the toilet and I have a much more difficult time. Still, it was one of those rare time when as viewers we were had to participate in this bodily function that usually doesn’t make the final cut.

On the other hand, it doesn’t mean I have to force myself to visualize these things in my daily world. Certainly I can tell you that next time I visit the DMV I will put more effort into picking my seat.

Here’s to many journeys where you don’t have to sit next to the toilet for the whole trip.

Don't forget - I just published Part one of my new Free Read THE PROMISE at: http://freereadsfromthegenre-istas.blogspot.com/2014/05/Birthday-Promises.html

Overheard at . . . Home

2/11/2014

“What was the Cold War, anyway?”

Another snow day and this one we spent playing board games with the neighbor. Interesting, indeed, to watch two 9-10 year olds playing Apples to Apples. If you haven’t played this game before the premise is that you match cards with people, events, things, on them against a descriptive card.

In this case the girls had already played the card, Napolean Bonaparte vs the card Mortician against ‘Dead’… extra funny because whichever one threw the Mortician card didn’t even realize what they were playing. I was the objective third part judge and was having fun talking about words and meaning and culture and history.

When the card, ‘Dramatic’ came up the two cards thrown were- The Cold War vs High School. Can you imagine two things any less different but at the same time more dramatic. I think it was a draw on that one since I honestly couldn’t choose between the two.

It did lead into an interesting discussion about the Cold War. I remember growing up and having arguments with my idiotic step-brother about whether we should, in his words, ‘nuke’ Russia. Seriously! If you’ve read a few of my blogs I am pretty sure you know which side of the argument I was on. These conversations definitely hit new levels of dramatic and may be what pushed me over the liberal edge.

More importantly, I remember sitting in my family room, watching the wall fall, and crying. My conservative family thought I was crazy. It was all just politics to them. But to me it meant hope. It meant that when I saw the twin towers fall I still had hope we would find peace. And when I saw Egypt in the midst of rebellion I knew there was hope that it could occur peacefully.

Still, as I now listen to the insane rhetoric coming from Russia I am reminded that life is a cycle and everything circles around again. Perhaps this is what my parents at least knew when the wall fell. It’s only dramatic the first time around.

Are you ready for less drama in your life? Just leave me a comment during the month of February and you'll be entered to win a copy of any of Julia Green's Decluttering/Feng Shui Kindle books http://amzn.com/e/B008IC65K6. Check back at the end of the month to see if you won and to let me know which one you want.

(Please note - while I love and appreciate your comments on twitter and Facebook, only comments made here, on my blog, will be entered into the drawing - this way all who read the blog post can engage in a shared conversation about it.)

Happy Journeys!

Deanne

Overheard on . . . Bloomberg West

1/28/2014

“A seagull and a crow attacked two doves at the Vatican as they were released from a window by two children and the Pope.”

The symbolism of doves has a long history associated with fertility, feminism, love and peace. As far back as the iron age in Ancient Near East and the Mediterranean the dove can be found as a symbol for the mother goddess. There is even evidence that suggests ancient Israelites believed the Canaanite goddess, Asherah (symbolized as a dove) was consort to Yahweh. As described by Dorothy Willette writing for the Biblical Archeology Society: The Enduring Symbolism of Doves; From ancient icon to biblical mainstay – “… it is not so surprising, then, that the heirs of this Israelite religion incorporated the “feminine” symbol of the dove to represent the spirit of God (the word for “spirit,” ruach, is a feminine word in Hebrew).”

So the fact that a crow, which often symbolizes death or acts as an omen of something bad occurring, attacked a dove at the Vatican acts as an almost archetypal representation of the battle between good and evil, life and death, peace and war.

As with any symbol, our own psyche can add layers of meanings to that which might only be a normal aspect of nature (predators going after prey, the cycle of life). Still, for me at least, it connected on such a personal, deep level to events going on in my own life that it was impossible to ignore. Like the traffic ticket I received last fall, I wondered what this was trying to tell me about my life.

I have found truth and consolation in the quote from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” And I have discovered yet again that this year is meant to test my own intentionality. What sort of person do I want to be? How will I respond when facing feelings of hurt and anger?

My conclusion has been this- that there is one prescription for powerlessness, staying true to who I am no matter what comes at me. In this way, as a dove confronting a crow becomes the very best representation of peace and love, so my values, tested under extreme situations, show the world exactly who I am.

NEWS... NEWS... NEWS

> Betting Jessica and Untangling the Knot are now both available in PRINT - Find them at Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/e/B005YHFBQ2

> For the next few weeks I will be posting once a week only on Tuesdays. Please let me know what you think of this change. Thanks. Deanne

How do you cope with difficulties? I’d love to hear from you. And to prove it, leave a comment and I’ll enter you into my drawing where one lucky January commenter will win a copy of any one of Daniel Davidson's Travel Free Guides. Check back at the end of the month to see if you’re my winner. Please note –while I love and appreciate getting Facebook posts and Twitter replies, the comment must be made on my blog, using the blog form – this way all who see the blog post can engage in a shared conversation. Thanks.

(BTW - For those of you who don’t yet know of Daniel Davidson, he’s a travel writer with great advice on saving money while traveling. Check his website for more info: http://www.freetravelideas.com/)

Overheard at . . . Starbucks

1/14/2014

“I gave up my cell phone.”

What? I couldn’t believe I’d heard correctly. Near me, someone was asking for a friend’s cell phone number and that was his reply. My mouth must have been hanging open, because he caught me staring and answered my unasked question. “I found myself paying more attention to it than to what was going on around me.”

Wow! I was in awe- the courage, the self-control, the… enlightenment bordering on Buddhist Arahant (the highest level of personal enlightenment achievable.) I was also intrigued. It led to a very interested and surprisingly down-to-earth discussion with this guy about the technological revolution.

Anytime someone throws NPR into a conversation you know I am hooked. So when this guy mentioned a show he’d heard describing the evolution of society through the Industrial Revolution into the technological one, I needed more. Searching NPR provided a number of sources on America’s great challenges and led to some finds such as Big Data: A Revolution That Will Transform How We Live, Work, and Think by Cukier, Kenneth and Mayer-Schonberger, Viktor, and Why Nations Fail: The Origins of Power, Prosperity, and Poverty by Robinson, James A. and Acemoglu, Daron. But nothing pointed directly to the conversation we had about man’s evolution based on these two revolutions.

I suppose his reference is a bit like my overhears- a snippet of information which prompts deeper thought and consideration.

So while I can’t give you a link to reference, I can give you a bit more about our discussion. If I could sum it up in one sentence it would be- There is hope for artists. Here’s our train of thought…

The industrial revolution changed the way we work, lessening our need to focus on physical effort and instead direct work toward intellectual pursuits. The technological revolution is gradually lessening our mental efforts, allowing us to, what? And that is the question… what is left? If our bodies and minds are taken care of, this guy theorized that was is left is our emotions. Computers can’t emote (at least not yet). But we can…. So will our focus be on developing our emotional capacity? And if so, which area does this better than art?

Which brings us back to the idea of the cell phone and his giving it up. It is difficult to feel anything in a world where we are at least one step removed from what is happening around us. Rather than experience people we are with or react to the nature around us, it is now easy for us to hide behind the screen on our mobile phone or tablet. If what is demanded of us as artists, though, is a link to emotion, than we must break free of this boundary and step back into the world. We must focus on living moments with mindfulness and spontaneity so that we can translate meaning back to emotion.

And by translate, in my case, I mean write. And by write I mean type. Which I suppose means that I am not completely done with technology yet.

Cheers,
Deanne

NEWS... NEWS... NEWS

Betting Jessica and Untangling the Knot are now both available in PRINT - Find them at Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/e/B005YHFBQ2

Are you ready to give up your cell phone yet? Do you happen to know more about the NPR program mentioned? Leave a comment and I’ll enter you into a drawing where one lucky January commenter will win a copy of any one of Daniel Davidson's Travel Free Guides. Check back at the end of the month to see if you’re my winner. Please note –while I love and appreciate getting Facebook posts and Twitter replies, the comment must be made on my blog, using the blog form – this way all who see the blog post can engage in a shared conversation. Thanks.

(BTW - For those of you who don’t yet know of Daniel Davidson, he’s a travel writer with great advice on saving money while traveling. Check his website for more info: http://www.freetravelideas.com/)

NOTE: Thanks for all of the fun comments during the month of December. I am super happy to announce that is the winner of the $10 donation is Catherine Castle. A donation to my local Alzheimer's organization has been made in your name. Congratulations Catherine!

Overheard at... School

11/7/2013

“They fight when they’re unsure if they understand it themselves.”

We had a 4th grade parent meeting at school and were discussing how the kids seem to be getting angry when we, as parents, try to help them with their homework. “That’s not how the teacher wants us to do it.” Seems to be a common statement in many homes right now, and the teachers were clarifying that, while this is age appropriate, it is not true.

The fact is, with the new Common Core Curriculum, the more ways they learn how to do something the better. The problem is that at this age their uncertainty in themselves turns to a fear of being seen as lacking. What to us seems like help, to them feels like judgment.

This idea that help represents a comment on our ability can follow us into adulthood. As a writer I definitely sometimes feel like this when my work is being critiqued. Our first response can often be to claim the other person doesn’t understand. In fact, you should hear me bicker with Word’s grammar checker when it points out all of the fragments in my writing.

But pride, whether in our academic knowledge, appearance, or social standing, comes at a sever cost. Something I was reminded of while watching Gone with the Wind over the last couple of nights.

I guess it has been a while since I have watched the movie in its; entirety. Or perhaps I now have the maturity to better analyze it. Whatever the reason, I found myself both sympathetic to and disgusted by Scarlett. Pride makes us say and do the very worst things. Like this statement by Scarlett:

“You know it's yours. I don't want it any more than you do. No woman would want a child of a cad like you... I wish for anybody's child but yours.” (Gone with the Wind- By Margaret Mitchell)

We know this is a lie, just as she knows it is a lie. She missed him when he was gone and had been excited to tell him about the baby… until he told her he planned to leave again. Then, in order to save her pride, she said this awful thing to him.

Pride, though, is a difficult companion to let go of. Like the shell on an armadillo, we feel like pride protects us from the weakness of our own insecurities. So how do we help our children, or ourselves, find the courage to move beyond its hold?

Louisa May Alcott wrote, in Little Women, “… for love casts out fear, and gratitude can conquer pride.”

And so, my gratitude for the gift of being able to write means that I even accept a computer telling me that my grammar needs improvement. And my gratitude that I get to share my daughter’s learning means that I can sit
through her angry accusations of my own inequities without it becoming about me.

What are you grateful for? Has pride ever kept you from something you really wanted? I love to hear from my readers. And to prove it, I am giving away my left-over Thanksgiving meal to one commenter during the month of November. :>) Just kidding. Actually… I will donate $10 to the (non-political) charity of your choice if you win the November drawing. Just leave a comment for any of my posts and check back at the end of the month to see if you are the lucky winner.

Gobble, Gobble.
Deanne

Overheard at... Starbucks

9/26/2013

“After being married for 33 years there’s some things you just don’t tell them.”

Funny… there’s no part of me that thinks this way with my husband. I probably overshare. Split ends, digestive issues, menopause symptoms- nothing is off limits. Sometimes, it may feel like I am withholding, but this is simply because when he asks what I am doing, or who I was talking with on the phone, it takes me a while to recreate it in my mind.

Typically my brain goes through a convoluted series of hoops to reach a conclusion, (which may relate to my blog post last week about intuition.) I know it is related to the direction my blog posts take. I was late on this one this morning, and my husband asked if it was because I couldn’t come up with anything to say. After giving him the raised eyebrow expression that said, you must be crazy, I told him, “Finding something to say is never a problem.”

And yet…. With so much internal noise it is sometimes difficult to find the important thing to say. Or maybe it is my own protective way of not having to say it. I’m not sure on this. I just know that underneath all of the blogs about writing, or even drunk driving, there is a deep, deep river of untold emotion.

Of course a public blog may not always be the best spot to air these issues. (You don’t really want to hear about my awful fears for my 9 year old daughter, do you? If so you could save me lots of money in counseling bills). But really, really good writing has to come from this level- even if it is close to being one of Dante’s lower levels of hell.

Lately the discord between Commercial Romance and Literary Fiction has taken up a good chunk of my brain power. I have been reading about it, writing about it, thinking about it, and yet still haven’t discovered from where the real disagreement stems. I can point to many factors that aggravate it. But I can’t isolate any one problem that would resolve the disagreement once and for all. (For more on the debate read this blog post from May 23, 2013.)

I do know though, that the fact that most romance is written by women has to relate somehow. Observing my own hesitancy with writing the dark, difficult stuff, I wonder if this is something other women withhold also. Books
such as “Lean In,” lead me to think I could be on to something with this direction of thought.

After all… if we can’t even say some things to our spouse, how on earth can we say them to friends, colleagues, family or readers?

What sorts of things do you share or withhold from your people in your life? Do you find it easy or difficult to reach down and publicly explore the difficult subjects? I love hearing from my blog readers. And to prove it I’m giving away a copy of my book BETTING JESSICA to one lucky commenter during the month of September.

Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their
original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

Overheard at... Starbucks

5/23/2013

“It just always seems like we’re not on the same page.”

His hand sits there… waiting to be held.

She picks up her phone… her hands are busy constantly, texting and checking. What is she waiting for?

“...bad decisions that we made. So don’t tell me what to do”

“I’m not telling you what to do.”

“Yeah you are…”

Now his hands are crossed in front of his body…. And in his pockets.

They go outside; to sit in the sun to get away…. To get privacy... and her, to get space.

Now sit across from each other, eye to eye, rather than right next to each other as they did inside.

It is another teenage love gone awry.

Get rid of the damn phone!

* * * * *
Ahhh, Spring Love. Sorry for the belated post. I hope you enjoy my moment of being ever so grateful I am no longer a teenager.

Interestingly, while looking for a I found a great article about why overheard cell phone conversations bug us so much

Overheard at... the monthly RCRW meeting

4/16/2013

“What makes your character cry?”

Here’s how I know that anyone could write a story, I challenge you to find one mom who didn’t immediately imagine what it would have been like if it were her eight year old caught in yesterday’s explosion. I bet they could tell you fifty ways they visualized it; could probably describe it down to the clothes their child might have been wearing.

Imagination is a wonderful and awful thing. It allows us to come up with fantastic ideas, machines that fly, foods that pop, tights that are see-through (okay, maybe not always great ideas). It also, though, gives us the fodder to speculate, what if. What if I don’t get that job? What if the tree fell the other way? What if our school was next? Like stories of psychics wanting to shut out other people’s thoughts, I am sure I am not alone in sometimes wanting to shut down my imagination.

I see this fine balance most clearly in my own daughter who has an amazing imagination but also struggles with anxiety. Her body always connects the what if to a fight or flight response… even when the what if is potentially positive. What if I get the part? The excitement turns to adrenalin, which tells her body there is danger, which turns her positive thought into a negative one.

The only way I have learned to shut off the voice of my imagination is to focus only on where I am and what I am doing at the moment. I ground myself by washing dishes thoughtfully; feeling the soap and the water on my hands, and hearing the splash of it against the edge of the sink. Or I garden. I listen to the birds calling and the mower rumbling next door. I feel the dirt crumble beneath my fingers and I watch a worm make its way slowly back down, into the moist earth.

Today I pray and today I focus on the moment. Because today my imagination is not my friend.

Overheard at... Treetop Adventure Park - Lake Tahoe

3/28/2013

“Can someone please help me?”

In the distance a call rang out, someone had not attacked the zipline and were paying the price by hanging in the middle, waiting for a guide to come pull them to the platform. Ha! Silly person. All you had to do was make sure to give a good push and anyone could make it to the other side.

Less than two minutes later I sat, 10 feet away from the platform, waiting for my own guide to come help me. As they say, pride goweth before a fall, but fortunately it was only my ego that was damaged. The treetop course was more challenging than I had assumed, and over the next two hours I would have plenty more opportunities to look silly, struggle to reach my goal, and find new depths of humility. I would also laugh more than I had in a long time, help my friends and allow myself to be helped, watch our kids tackle amazing heights and be surrounded by the beauty that is Tahoe.

The very best overhear of all, after we had finished our time and were getting ready to leave, was when the littlest kid in our group turned to her mom and said, “What are we doing tomorrow? Can we come back and do it again.”

I am pretty sure we all felt the same way.

Overheard at... Starbucks

3/19/2013

“We sat in bed and laughed at your videos last night.”

Why does this not surprise me? I have been acclimating myself to the idea that this is my year of humility. Fitting, I think, since my book releases are making me a more public figure. My daughter likes to think I am famous… but aren’t we all within our own circles?

With publicity, though, comes attention. To be honest, I am not really big on attention. I like not having to wear make-up or worry about how I am being perceived. I am happy to have my characters take center stage. As a reader, though, I like to get to know the author of the books I enjoy. I always read the bio and sometimes even follow them on Twitter (btw – if you want to find me there, go to @dwilsted… or if you want to see one of my character’s tweets go to @jessatbettingj)

So, it may be that readers of BETTING JESSICA or UNTANGLING THE KNOT are also curious about me. Obviously my bio is published (link here). But now, with my goal of learning how to kick a field goal, my personal achievements
will be balanced by my personal failures…. And in a comic way.

By now you have probably seen my video blog about this journey. While I have jumped into this with both feet, part of me knew that the water was shallow enough I could wade out if I wanted. Not so anymore. I think I just threw myself into the deep end by inviting the help of a professional athletic trainer, Alex Molden. He has agreed to begin working with me to build the strength and mobility I will need to actually accomplish my goal (without hurting myself in the process).

There is nothing like including someone else in a project to ensure commitment. In this case I am fortunate to be working with one of the best. Perhaps Alex will also be able to help me understand how to handle public attention, since he himself has had lots of it over his lifetime (first playing football for the University of Oregon and then later in the NFL). He even has his own Wikipedia page.

So, check in over at my Untangling the Knot Vlog page in a few weeks to catch my first training session with him… it may be that my humility will reach an all new high.

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