Overheard at . . . - Deanne's Writing World

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/31/2013

“My whole family calls my grandmother Oma.”

Being a grandparent is a funny thing. I should know, since I was one. Wait! Not like that! My daughter’s only eight. But years ago her darn stuffed animals didn’t know what to call me. If she was Mama, then what was I? Gramdma, obviously. NOT! Believe me I nipped that in the bud quick.

Still, the fact that my reaction was so severe tells me what it might be like years from now when she finally does have a child. It is one of those milestones which is both exciting and a scary all at once. I look forward to the freedom of it. The ability to watch from afar and laugh at the many trials I am sure her own progeny will put her through. I pray that she has a fun and loving husband to help her with those. And I also pray I will be able to
stand far enough away that she makes her own mistakes, but close enough that she always knows I have her back.

AT the same time, since we got started late on our family, the day this happens may be so far in the future that I will be too blind to see it. We joke that at her wedding my husband will need a cane to walk her down the aisle. Since I hope she gets to enjoy those early days with her husband, free of children, how much older will we be when we turn up our hearing aides to hear the patter of tiny feet.

Still, there is hope that I will at least be able to remember my grandchildren’s names. Last week I saw a news post by the NY Times about the role that brain degeneration has plays on memory loss as we get older. (link). It is nice to know that, someday, if I connect electrodes to my head every night at bedtime, I’ll be able to wake up remembering that the little voice who calls me grandma on the phone is not actually one of her stuffed animals pretend talking.

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/29/2013

“I’ll call the new minister and make sure he can do your wedding.”

Life is full of changes. And, because of this, the most important character trait we are trying to teach our daughter is resiliency. However, what is it about weddings that take this to a whole new level? If Murphy’s Law is that things that can go wrong, will go wrong… then the wedding addendum must be, ‘and it will happen two days before the
ceremony.’

Take my wedding. Our florist completely changed her price quote on us two weeks before the wedding. We fired her, but try finding a good florist with that little notice? And the day after I drove up to Seattle to do a test run of my hair style, the salon called me to tell me the hairdresser had quit and moved to a new salon. Resiliency brought me through these hiccups.

But, when we lost our third priest just days before the wedding date, I had to question what God was trying to tell us. With 8 months to go, our first priest was moved to a new parish. I was disappointed but knew we would be
fine.

The second priest we had arranged then had a retreat that he (and all the other Jesuits in the area) had to attend during our wedding date. This was much more concerning as it felt like we were out of time and options. Finally, the church found a non-Jesuit priest to marry us. I breathed a sigh of relief, until just three days before the wedding our thirst priest was called to Rome for a special meeting with the Pope. Now really… what are the chances?

Of course the message was all about faith and control (two things with which I struggle). I had to hand it over, knowing that if they got a new priest it would be someone who neither knew us nor probably cared much.

I turned out to be very much wrong. The new priest arranged to meet us for lunch the very next day. He spent some time getting to know us…and then had the humor to help execute a very funny joke on my husband during the ceremony rehearsal (we switched the readings to one my husband knew we didn’t want… If you’d like to find out which reading which readings we switched you can read my new book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, due out on Feb. 13th:>)

No matter how we might try, weddings, like married life, are messy. Things don’t always go as planned and everything is up for change. But, as I learned during my own mishaps, sometimes it is in these moments that we experience the true meaning of love and God.

Overheard at... the primary school

1/24/2013

“They walk for miles with 40 lbs of water carried on their head.”

Our school has a travelling exhibit right now, brought to us by Africa Bridge, and showing what school life is like for kids in
Tanzania. It seems like a smart way for the kids to learn a little bit about a different culture (they particularly seem to like the soccer ball made from plastic bags and electrical tape.) What is missing, of course, is the true experience of what it feels like to actually walk those many miles lugging the water. It is missing the bugs and dirt and sanitation issues. Like many movies (The Best exotic Marigold Hotel comes to mind here,) it is a scrubbed up version of the reality.

On the other hand, things like the soccer ball and blackboard show that, while the environment may be different, many
activities are not so far off from what our own children experience in their own daily lives. One of my favorite books, Wake Up World; A Day in the Life of Children Around the World, produced by OXFAM, illustrates this point even more successfully. Kids wake up, eat, get clean, get dressed, go to school, play, help out, dream and sleep much as my own daughter does.

But the darker side of the reality is that many children, especially young girls, are not offered these experiences at all. Many spend their lives taking care of household chores and then being married at an early age to go and do this for their husband. They have no voice, no options, and frequently no ownership of anything, even their own bodies. Their lives are treated as a tool, to be used as needed.

I have been very proud to help support, and sometimes work with, an organization, BRAC, who through hands on work in countries throughout Asia, Africa (including Tanzania) and the Americas, helps to give women the options in life they deserve.

This week, as we celebrate the inauguration of our President, we should remember how valuable and hard won our freedom is. What better way to celebrate than to lighten the load of a child in a country without those freedoms. Below you will find an explanation (from our school newsletter) of the work Africa Bridge is doing and how you can help. You can also link to BRAC for more information about their programs as well. Thank you!

* * *
Greetings,

Happy New Year, I am looking forward to working with your school on some important Africa Bridge
projects.

Africa Bridge is a Non-Governmental Organization founded in West Linn by Barry Childs. AB’s work is focused on
vulnerable children in the rural villages of the Mbeya region of Southwest Tanzania. Approximately one out of three
(33%) of the children are orphans due to HIV/AIDS and malaria. All orphaned or vulnerable children are taken in by
other families. We establish income generating agricultural cooperatives for those families supporting orphaned and
vulnerable children. Part of the income from the cooperatives goes to village Most Vulnerable Children Committee
which purchases school uniforms and health insurance for these children. The school uniform enables children
to go to school. The remaining income significantly improves the living and nutritional lives of these families.
AB also builds health clinics and school classrooms for these villages.

This is My School project, part of Africa Bridge, which connects vulnerable schools in rural Tanzania with school
children in the United States. Our goal is to support the educational needs of the Most Vulnerable Children in
Tanzania through the expansion and improvement of their educational facilities and equipment.

The need:
Africa Bridge works with local villagers to help the Most Vulnerable Children get the support and resources necessary
to attend school. This effort has been so successful that the number of children attending school has significantly
increased leading to crowded classrooms. US schools partnerships help fulfill the need for more classrooms, desks,
and other school room resources.

These partnerships create an authentic experience for US students to engage in being world citizens and to learn about
the African experience. Contact us for more information. Emily Pollard Emily@africabridge.org
503-699-6162 or Roger Woehl 503-360-3597. Learn more at www.africabridge.org

Past projects supported in the West Linn-Wilsonville School District include partnering with Pakati Primary in 2011 and
Katusyo Primary Schools in 2012 to help construct new classrooms, toilets, repairs, desks, and school supplies.
Introducing the 2012-13 Project: Mpombo Schools.Mpombo Ward has 5 primary schools and 1 secondary
school. This is the second year for AB to work in the Mpombo Ward (out of a five year project). The schools
range in size from 325 to 530 students. Average class size is 75 students per teacher.

Our priorities for the next several years are classroom desks, teacher toilets and completion of classroom already under
construction. Our goals for this year are to secure funding for 250 desks ($10,750) and four teacher toilets ($5,800).
Total $16,550.

We will be visiting over the next several weeks. Our model classroom will be in the library and I will be
meeting with students to teach a little about Tanzania and Africa. We will learn a little Kiswahili too. Come join us.

Asante Sana (Thank You)
Sincerely,
Roger L. Woehl

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/22/2013

“Oh yeah! If I were single I wouldn’t be here. When my daughter’s in college I’m on a sailboat all over.”

Do you remember the song by Christopher Cross, Sailing? When I was in middle school it was my theme song. At the time I’m not sure I even really paid much attention to the words. But the idea of escape must have registered in my pubescent brain like an anchor in a storm.

Since then the thought of sailing anywhere has been sadly replaced by the reality that I get easily seasick. It didn’t used to be that way. Pre having a child I could go through the murkiest water and keep my sailors feet. During one momentous trip across the Channel in England it seemed like the entire boat, other than my husband and me, were throwing up all over the place. Somehow, though, we made the two+ hour (usually it would only be about 1 1/2 hours) crossing without losing our lunch as well.

Fast forward six years and it would be me in misery as I suffered through a multi-hour whale watching tour/party in Mexico. I was near hysteria at the point where the crowd with us began dancing the Macarena and encouraging the
boat to stay out a little longer. I was told by the captain that if I swam for a moment I would feel better. Probably he was simply sick of my whining. Unfortunately, he didn’t warn me of the jellyfish. I was back in the boat within
minutes, jellyfish stings across my back.

Since that memorable trip I have been understandably hesitant to get back on a boat. I am wary of even short social trips by speedboat on our local lake. Still… the idea of a sailboat, skimming across the water, sails stiff in the wind, holds a unique place in my imagination. Through the power of dreams I do not feel the nausea, but only that glorious sense of escape.
(Photo above courtesy of; www.Sailingforyou.ca)

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/17/2013

“Crossword puzzles were used to send secret messages during World War II.”

This, apparently, would be one more good reason why I would make a lousy spy. As much as I adore words, my secret shame is that I can’t stand crossword puzzles. I know, you would think, being a write and all, it would be my life-blood. But no… I stare at those boxes and clues and feel downright disheartened.

Which is not to say I don’t admire those brave souls who do tackle these tools of
torture, I do! In fact, one of my best memories of my grandfather was watching him, pen in hand, glasses slipping down his nose, as he completed an entire crossword in half the time it would have taken me to watch an episode of Dynasty; what I certainly would have been doing while sitting with him.

The gentleman at Starbucks who was working on his went on to tell his friend that he had taken up doing cross-words in order to help with his dyslexia. Since he can’t sound words out, he has to know them like a picture in
order to use them. He also said that when he recognized the author of the crossword he would be able to get into his mind, understand how he thought, and complete the puzzle more easily.

While the dyslexia comment makes absolute sense to me, the puzzle personality seems like adding one more layer to an already complicated mission. So now, not only do you have to figure out a 10 letter word meaning ‘crazy’ (btw – the answer is unbalanced, in case you ever run across this one,) I also have to know that one particular author likes to use a lot of 10 letter word clues. Really? Who has time for this?

Apparently a lot of people. “According to Will Shortz, editor of the New York Times crossword puzzle, perhaps as many as 50 million people do crosswords just in America.” (courtesy of Oneacross.com; a great site for helping – e.g. cheating – the system:>)

Still, I don’t see myself rushing out to grab the next NY Times crossword. I’d rather work on my grandfather’s other passion… the Rubix Cube.

Overheard on... the football field

1/15/2013

”I think they are laughing at me.”

Of course the guys tossing around the football like they just finished an NFL game were laughing at me. I looked
ridiculous. For the first time in my life I was attempting to kick a field goal and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. It was late, Sunday afternoon; so fortunately there weren’t that many people to witness my humiliation. On the other hand, I guess I better get used to it… I have a long way to go. But let me explain.

As you have probably heard by now, my new book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, is being released February 13th. Yay!!! There are two main characters in the story… the heroine, a wedding ceremony coordinator for a church, and the
hero, a widowed father of two who also happens to be a kicker for the Patriots Football team.

So, in an effort to relate to the physical and mental strength required of Ryan, the hero, and because hey, it sounded like a fun New Year’s resolution, I decided to learn how to kick a field goal.

The bonus for you is that I also decided to publish my humiliation in blog posts on the UNTANGLING THE KNOT, page of my website (link here for this first post and for all future posts.) I’d publish them as my regular blog except they won’t be overhears… unless you count an occasional swear word in that. Instead I want to document the journey I take figuring out how to do something that is completely outside my element.

I am all about journeys… so I hope you take this one with me. Here is the first video so you can see what I am up against. Laugh all you want… by the end of the year I will be kicking it all the way through the goal posts (and from more than 10 feet away:>)

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/10/2013

“If you want to get time off you go to work for a bank or the school system.”

Interesting perspective. I suppose it is all about trade-offs. True, when you work in a bank, as I did for many years, you are basically there nine to five and rarely on Sundays. On the other hand, banks don’t have a lot of
extra profit anymore to live the high life. Instead, every minute of those hours is worked hard. As well, with the increase in the number of grocery store banks, traditional banking hours don’t actually apply much
anymore.

And, while it may be sort of true that if you work for a school you get the summers off, it is also true that during the school year your work lives with you everywhere. And I am not simply talking about taking home homework to grade. Being in charge of a classroom full of young children is a responsibility that keeps you awake at night unless you are very good at compartmentalizing.

So, what is a dream job? Maybe the point is not to avoid work (as I mentioned in my blog last time), it is to enjoy the work you need to do. Few of us can afford to not work at all. So assuming we want to eat, wear clothes and sleep someplace warm, we have to get a job. But this doesn’t mean we have to hate it.

It used to be that Europeans thought we were crazy for working so much. And I will admit to enjoying my six weeks of vacation when I lived in England. But on the other hand, perhaps we work so much because we value choice
in what we study and where we work. Unlike the historical model of nepotism in England, where your line of work was so much a part of your family that it would become your last name, here we have tried to create a system that allows for choice.

Sadly, we don’t always hit it on the head. Since education is the key, and schools are taking a big financial hit right now, our children’s choices are increasingly limited… even more so in lower social-economic systems. In truth, the Starbucks customer should have said; “If you want time off you invest in education.” Working hard at the right job is the best way for all of us to enjoy our vacations.

Because, as my father always said; There are no free lunches.

Overheard at... Starbucks

1/8/2013

“You would hope she would act like a grown-up.”

It was difficult to keep the smile off my face as I watched the two twenty-somethings discuss how to get his items back from a girlfriend he had broken up with over the summer. I had heard about this girlfriend off and on since April, and the relationship reminded me so much of something I would have gone through at that age that it always made me laugh.

As strange as it is to think about… these kids are closer in age to my daughter than they are to me. And yet, they consider themselves ‘grown-up’.I suppose it is what every child waits for, that time when they can make their own decisions, be responsible for themselves. I am not sure, though, that this is enough to qualify as ‘grown-up’. Certainly, many of the decisions I made at that age did not look anything like maturity.

There were, of course, the stupid activities performed on the weekends and usually involving parties with friends. But on a deeper level there were also many moments when I bought into the drama and emotion of a short term
perspective. A boyfriend would dump me and I would cry and mope for a month. Negative feedback on something I had done at work would send me into a tailspin of shame and anxiety that would ruin my otherwise perfect summer.

It is not so much responsibility, then, that marks our passing age; more the degree to which we let our life run us, rather than the other way around. Recognizing that I am responsible for my life means that I can choose not only how to live it, but also how to feel about it.

This weekend I received news that my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, will be released in digital format on February 13th. Certainly this is something to celebrate and enjoy. Instead, though, my life has become one big to-do list. I am overwhelmed by the many activities I want to do to promote the release. Rather than focus on the reason for these
activities, their very existence seems like a chore. When my daughter was complaining about going to school today I referred to these jobs I had to do, saying I wasn’t really looking forward to doing them, but I had to anyway.

“But Mommy, you love to write.”

And I was reminded of the basic fact that these are actually things I enjoy doing… as long as I don’t become overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety of whether they will all work out as planned. Lesson learned!

Apparently being grown-up has nothing to do with age, and everything to do with perspective.

Overheard at... the skating rink

1/3/2013

“Again!”

Every time we skated by the coach and skater, the word echoed in our ears. Over and over, the young skater practiced a spin, controlling her movements and then, when she had finished, checking the ice to see how far she had moved from her original position.

I took ice skating lessons too when I was young, though not nearly to the level of this athlete. So I know the level of precision it took to spin in that one spot, barely moving inches as she twirled. This can only come with practice; and a lot of it.

As the new year starts I have been thinking a lot about what I want for my writing this year. To finish writing a new book is my biggest goal. But, added to that, I want to improve my craft as I do so. The problem I have found though is that the idea of perfection overwhelms me. Corrections seem never ending. And as I self-edit I find mistakes or improvements everywhere and become dejected.

What is it, I wonder, that this young skater has that I don’t? What allows her to accept the coaching, internalize the feedback, and try again without psyching herself out? Perhaps this is why I never lasted as a skater. Then again, I would hope that these many years later I would have the maturity that I didn’t back then.

This maturity (along with many of my writer friends) reminds me that the surest way to overcome my self-inflicted cage is through the method known as “BIC HOK” – Butt in chair, hands on keyboard. There is no other way to escape my own fears of failure but to just do it…

… Again and again and again.

Overheard on... HGTV

1/1/2013

“I’m not sure what imagination has to do with health…”

(Photo of 2012 Paris New Year's celebration courtesy of NBC News)
I’m watching the Rose Parade as I write this and feeling very ready to mute the sound. The announcers are driving me crazy… saying the most inane things imaginable. Perhaps they partied too hard last night, but they seem really grumpy.

One of the floats, by Kaiser Permanente, was: “Oh, the healthy things you can do:” A beautiful float with all sorts of ways of being well. Included in this was imagine. Their take on this- “Maybe you can imagine you’re not sick.” It was pretty clear they missed the point, but then I guess you need some imagination in order to get it.

After that they saw a beautiful float with landmarks from around the world. They described the Eiffel Tower as made from coffee beans; they’re comment, “It would be more appropriate if it were made from tobacco.”The last time I was in France, though, I saw many more people sipping amazing coffee than smoking. Happy 2013, France.

Today starts 2013… a year that promises many good things so I am going to turn off the parade (where they are showing a gimmick of two people getting married on top of one of the floats) and get started enjoying my first
day of the new year!

Happy 2013. I wish everyone a year filled with wonderful imagination, lots of coffee and every good thing you could wish for but one; so that in 2014 you have something left to strive for.

Deanne

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