“I was like crap; sorry I know that’s not an appropriate word but . . .”

All of us judge words as appropriate or not based on our version of life. For example I’m pretty sure there are not many teenagers who use the word awesome anymore. But then I would never use the word sick.

One of my early blogs had fun considering word choice:
(http://www.deannewilsted.com/2/post/2011/11/overheard-in-an-elementary-school-library.html)

Taking this a step further, imagine a world where every word you said gave away exactly who you were: where you were from, your sex, your age, what type of family you grew up in, and what your socio-economic standing was.

As in one of my favorite old movies, “My Fair Lady”, I came to understand language in a new way when I lived in England for a while. There were words I would learn from one person that, when said in the company of others  would raise eyebrows. It was difficult for them to explain what was wrong with the word, only that it sounded rough. One such word was naff. The Urban dictionary defines the word as:

British slang, today meaning uncool, tacky, unfashionable, worthless... or as a softer expletive, in places where one might use "fuck" as in "naff off", "naff all", "naffing about".

Without the Urban Dictionary to help me 11 years ago, I had to decide for myself how appropriate the word was for my own, personal usage and also in what company I could employ it.

It is probably telling that the women who I overheard seemed to be discussing church related activities. In this context, I can understand the apology. I can also see where language slips out unintentionally. When as a writer I am sloppy with words, the reader can feel a dissonance between the character I am describing and the one who speaks on the pages. Used purposefully in writing, however, we can give glimpses into our character’s nature and the conflicts they face in their circles of friends and acquaintances.

Glimpses like a mom who deals with her kids’ crap all day and then can’t speak about it with the lovely church ladies in her quilting circle. This is a mom most of us could relate to I think.

“Aaiiieeeeee, ah ha ha ha ha!”

At which point I jumped about a foot in the air and spun around looking for, well even though I know they don’t exist, presumably a witch. I assure you, if it had occurred in the evening I would have been prepared for it. Our neighborhood houses are covered in Halloween decorations. But getting screeched at is not something you expect first thing in the morning; not unless it is by your 8 year old.

I finished the rest of my walk more carefully; letting my heartbeat slow down again as I really took in the decorations on each house I passed. This led to an interesting conclusion: our neighborhood is changing, growing like the very children who reside inside these houses.

Five years ago, when my daughter was just getting old enough to understand that Halloween meant candy (and also scary costumes), the decorations on the houses around us tended, mostly, to be fun and cute. There were pumpkins
of course, as well as brightly colored fall leaves, silly scarecrows, big candy-corn and hay bales. The scariest item you might have found would have been an inflatable ghost or one of those witches that look like they have crashed
into a tree.

Now, with the kids getting older, these same houses are dressed to scare even adults. Large spider webs with hairy black spiders crawl over front doors. Ugly zombies with gashes on their face and missing hands spring up from lawns and flower beds. Seemingly simple graveyards have gory hands and feet scattered about and what appears to be real dirt covering gravesites. The neighborhood has transitioned from cute to terrifying in what felt like the blink of an eye.

This makes me wonder what it will look like twenty years from now, when the children have all grown up and moved away. Will we return to the pretty fall leaf garlands, or will the presence of blood and gore still permeate? If the senior center is anything to go by I may have to skip the holiday all together. Visiting there this last weekend we saw the most gruesome display yet… baby zombies with awful expressions on their faces scattered around a fake graveyard.
 
Between that and the screaming witches, I expect I’ll be having nightmares all the way 'till Christmas.

“What kind of law do you practice?”
“Criminal, though it’s not as exciting as they show on TV.”

Jobs are kind of like that. When we are young we dream of being a firefighter or teacher or dolphin trainer, and in some cases even end up in these ‘dream’ jobs. Only to realize that a lot of firefighting is keeping the  truck clean, that teaching is about having the energy to break up petty arguments even while fighting a headache and dolphin training is… okay, I still think dolphin training would be pretty cool (other than the always smelling like dead fish
thing).

Writing is similar. It is 12:25 and I just realized that life got in the way of my doing my blog today. So, rather than work on my new story (which is eating me up inside) I flipped to my blog mode and began to write this. Yesterday I spent my writing hours visiting and revising the commas and semicolons in BETTING JESSICA (which I hope to finish revising and re-release by the end of next week!) The day before my writing consisted of emails among my writing group. The day before??? I didn’t even try to write at all.

I suppose it is not a surprise I am not setting myself up for retirement with this yet. A blank screen waits for me when I can find a moment away from marketing, editing or planning (not to mention mothering)…. And every writer knows that there is nothing more daunting than a blank screen.

On tv writers are a bit nutty. They usually smoke and drink a lot, stay up late typing page after page from some guttural place deep inside themselves. In case my readers wonder, this is not me. I am annoyed when a story comes to me in the middle of the night, and only grudgingly leave my warm bed to get up and capture the essence of it before stumbling back to bed. I am far more likely to be sipping a coffee while writing than a drink (though perhaps I should try this)… and unless I am PMS-ing my deep, emotional scenes typically come from a place of quiet reflection, prayer and meditation rather than angst.

At the same time, sometimes it is easy to forget that I am living the dream… My life may not always be exciting enough to film, but I am forever grateful to each of my readers for letting me stick with this business of writing. I hope each of you is fortunate enough in your life to be doing your dream job as well.

“Researchers are experimenting with feeding squirrels birth control.”

Sign me up! Due to the mild winter and a bumper crop of nuts the squirrel population is exploding.  Researchers
could look no further than my backyard for evidence of this. I’ve got a family of squirrels that seems to be multiplying like crazy.

But what to do about them? I have joked with my husband that it could be good practice for my archery skills (though I don’t think I am quite good enough to hit one yet and I’m pretty sure animal control and PEETA from on
this). So birth control sounds like a more reasonable approach.

Still, as one person commented on the NPR transcript… since we can’t even figure out whether birth control is morally ok for humans, should we be giving it to squirrels? A new gallup pole has found, in fact, that social issues like birth control and abortion are top issues during this election for women in swing states.  So birth control for rodents might be walking a fine line. 
 
On the precedence side I’m pretty sure we do already spray fruit flies to keep them from propagating. Is it that big of a leap to go to squirrels? And then, if not…. There are quite a few countries I have heard of where wild cats and dogs are a huge nuisance.  Take, for example, this article in the NY Times: 

Ohhhh, and such a cute picture.
You wouldn’t want to stop this dog from having a little litter of puppies, would you?

Apparently India also has a problem with nuisance monkeys. And, you’ll see from this article they are taking procreation out of the monkey’s hands:Metro News:nuisance-monkeys-captured-and-neutered-in-india

So, where does this leave us with the squirrels? Perhaps if we gave them a choice they would appreciate the birth control option. After all, the mommy and daddy squirrel in my backyard can’t be too happy that there are now
three little extra squirrels competing for our BBQ scraps and my dog’s attention.

“The eyeball was as big as a softball.”

Ewww! Talk about a great way to get a bunch of primary age kids to squeal. The principle was showing an news clipping about an eyeball that had washed up on a beach in Florida. It got their attention better than the announcement of an unexpected vacation day. Not only that, but the principle told the kids she was placing the newspaper article in the library for them to read themselves… clever indeed!
(Picture care of the Albany Times Union) 

The kids were atwitter about what sort of sea creature would have an eyeball 10 inches in diameter. Maybe it was from a shark… or an octopus…Of course someone thought it could be from the Lock Ness Monster (I did not
interject the geographical difficulties of that.) One teacher wondered aloud what the creature would look like if it had a bunch of these eyeballs. Again, I repeat, ewwww!

It turns out that the eyeball was most likely from a very large (ya think!) swordfish; probably cut out by a fisherman and left to find its way to the spot most likely to scare children and sun birds. So not as exciting as imagined after all.

I am glad that at that point this explanation had not been publicized. I have noticed, during playdates and other interactions with children, that not all of them have as active an imagination as my daughter. And, this probably isn’t always a bad thing. Her imagination can lead to speculate on all kinds of crazy things, most of them having to do with natural disasters.

On the other hand, as we drove to school she was very excited to tell me that today their class would be writing their own myth. She had already come up with two, one about why crows were black, and another about how Native
Americans got dark hair. And last night, as we discussed (whined about) the many challenges she faced riding the field trip bus sans any activities to keep her distracted, we came up with a game she could play. Starting a verbal story with one line and then passing it to the next person to see what they came up with. We tried it out at the dinner table and managed to come up with a pretty cool story about a kid in Genie school who was the wrong color to become one.

I was reminded that there are always two sides to things: and what can often feel like a weakness can also be a strength.  Somewhere out there is another huge swordfish being stalked by fishermen. The positive thing though is that they obviously have a killer eye to see their predator coming.

“You’re so selfish. You know we needed that money for gas.”

It was impossible no to hear the very loud conversation (argument) taking place in the car stopped next to us at the light. Uncomfortable and awkward, and impossible to avoid. The tone and dialogue caught my attention as thoroughly as the decibel at which it was being delivered.

From words alone, though, we could not decipher what the person had spent the money on. And this is where visual cues come to play. The driver, while being yelled at by his female passenger, sat there aggressively opening a box of cigarettes and attempted to defend himself.

I have been thinking a lot about visual cues lately as I work with my publisher on the cover of my soon to be released book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT. I have scanned other covers to determine what the visuals say about the
story that the title perhaps only hints at. A very good example of this is Marian Keyes book, WATERMELON. This is a clever title that none-the-less relies heavily on the excellent cover illustration to provide context for the story. 

 But it is not only the picture that shows the reader what to expect, even the colors used send a message. Pastels imply a soft story whereas dark, hard colors imply suspense or danger. Earth tones feel more serious in nature where bright hues, such as aquamarine or pink, indicate something fun or comedic.

These types of associations have long been used in children’s picture books to underline the themes of the writing. Great illustrations elevate what would otherwise be at best a boring and at worse a confusing story to something that is practically genius. Some of the very best examples of this are found in the Mo Willems books. Pick up one of Mo Willems most recent releases telling of the exploits of Elephant and Piggy to see what I mean:

Sadly, I am not an illustrator… and in fact, I’m not even very good at taking photos. I am fortunate, then, to be working with, in my opinion, one of the best cover designers in the business right now – Rae Monet. I know
that working together we will find the perfect way to show that UNTANGLING THE KNOT is about a misguided wedding, rather than a Fifty Shades spin-off or the lines used to tie up the Love Boat. Perhaps next time it will be the female passengers turn to spend the gas money…. On a really good book.

Politics, politics, politics…

Perhaps I am simply paying closer attention than others, but it feels like 80% of what is being talked about everywhere I go is politics right now. Not legislating mind you…. But politics; who said what about whom or which
statements are true or false, or all about the latest gaffe a candidate has made. It is enough to drive me off TV and away from Starbucks until after the election.

In a recent phone conversation with my sister in Virginia she said it has become so bad where she lives that people answer their phones, “what do you want…” when they don’t recognize the number. Ouch.

Now more than ever we as a country should pay attention to language… as I tell my daughter all the time, words matter. And civil words matter more than most. This word civil dates back to the late 14c, originating from the Latin, civilis…

 …"relating to a citizen, relating to public life, befitting a citizen," hence "popular, affable, courteous;" alternative adjectival derivation of civis "townsman". 

The sense of "polite" was in the Latin, from the courteous manners of citizens, as opposed to those of soldiers. But English did not pick up this nuance of the word until late 16c. " (Online Etymology Dictionary Link)

It is ironic that during this time England was anything but a civil place to live. A brief overview of the 16c shows that England was at war with just about everyone… including themselves. Unable to decide if they were Catholic or Protestant, each sovereign brought in a different set of rules and beliefs and persecuted those who did not go along with it.

So, here is my question… are we in another age where the idea of civility is paramount simply for its disappearance? Fundamentalist Christians fight against radical Islamists; and those who are civil, the non-soldiers, get pulled in either direction… as if this is our only choice.  

Can we make our civil voice heard? We are: a civilization, a civilized people, civilians who believe in civil rights as part of our founding principles. Perhaps right now we should worry less about the political process and more about the process of civility.

“I gotta say, I kinda rock at accounting. Hard to believe but I actually like it.”

The scary thing is that I totally understood what this person was saying. Okay, I didn’t exactly love accounting in school (especially a certain teacher who will not be named) but I did like the precision of calculating financials. (Photo couresy of Dummies.com)

That said… accounting has become one more thing to add to my already overly long to-do list as an author. The business of being an author goes soooo much farther than simply writing and editing. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Just like any small business there is the financial end of the business to consider.

As any author will tell you, money begins flowing out long before it ever flows in. First there might be classes you take to improve your craft. As well, every writer should belong to an appropriate writing organization. I belong to three – Romance Writers of America, Rose City Romance Writers, (a chapter of RWA, but paid for separately) and Willamette Writers. Next there are conferences you attend to network, pitch your work and again improve your
writing skills. These can set you back hundreds of dollars. And finally there is the cost of marketing yourself and your writing; website costs, business cards, material to give away (like bookmarks), book trailers, author photos… the list goes on and on.

The good news is that, if you can prove you are actively engaged in the business of writing, not simply doing it as a hobby, many costs are tax deductible (okay, here is where I write the disclaimer that much as I like accounting I am not actually an accountant and you should check with one before writing off any expenses!)

The bad news is that unlike when you work for a company or as an independent consultant, there is no one else picking up these costs for you. Because of this, writers should always track their expenses and then create, even in the simplest way, a cash flow statement (with income and expenses) as well as a balance sheet with assets (ex. your books, $ sent aside for marketing, your computer) liabilities (the contracts you have for your books, taxes owed,
credit card debt owed) and equity (the amount you, as an author, are worth = assets-liabilities). Overwhelmed? Read more here: http://www.moneyinstructor.com/lesson/linkincomebal.asp

Tracking your financials in this way helps you to better understand both how to spend/invest your hard earned money and also makes you appreciate and not take for granted the very important assets that often get overlooked by everyone, including spouses… your talent and your creative imagination.

Thankfully these are the very things which save you from being an accountant in your day-job.

“Goodread conversations are like being back in college.”

I am hoping the twenty-something barista meant this in the most positive way… I am pretty sure they did as they are an avid reader. Lately I too have been scoping out the Goodreads conversations. 
 
Pick a book, any favorite book, and it is likely other readers are discussing topics related to it. Suggestions, quizzes, favorite scenes (sometimes spoilers:>) and comments on related movies. It is a fun way to get more involved in the books I love. As well, it is a great way, as a writer, to find out more about what interests my potential readers. 
 
Right now I am particularly curious about all things wedding, since my next novel, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, takes place within the setting of planning one. I was curious about how other writers have handled proposals so I started a quick discussion in the Pride and Prejudice section asking readers to comment on their favorite wedding proposals in a book or movie. 
 
Two things came back which were really interesting. First: though the readers love a good proposal… they don’t find them in many current books. To them it feels like the story leaves off before the proposal. I admit that I am
guilty of this in my writing so far… but it makes me think perhaps I need to write a sequel to my third book (something my husband has been pushing me to do) with the awaited proposal from the hilarious hero.

Second: One of the readers commented that their favorite proposal was between Levin and Kitty in Anna Karenina. Ohhhhhhh, yes! Sigh…. Best proposal ever, ever, ever! Written so beautifully it makes you cry! (To read that section, or to add your own comment of a favorite wedding proposal click here).

I loved being reminded of this proposal since, when I was still only dating my now husband, he left me magnet messages on his fridge… it reminded me of this beautiful scene in Anna Karenina and I was sold (well, that and the fact that he tried to teach my one year old nephew how to play twenty-one:>). 

Now, as we celebrate our 14 year anniversary, it might be time to re-read that amazing, and very long, book; something I last tackled in college. So indeed… I guess Goodreads does take me back to that time in life as well.