“They fight when they’re unsure if they understand it themselves.”
We had a 4th grade parent meeting at school and were discussing how the kids seem to be getting angry when we, as parents, try to help them with their homework. “That’s not how the teacher wants us to do it.” Seems to be a common statement in many homes right now, and the teachers were clarifying that, while this is age appropriate, it is not true. The fact is, with the new Common Core Curriculum, the more ways they learn how to do something the better. The problem is that at this age their uncertainty in themselves turns to a fear of being seen as lacking. What to us seems like help, to them feels like judgment. This idea that help represents a comment on our ability can follow us into adulthood. As a writer I definitely sometimes feel like this when my work is being critiqued. Our first response can often be to claim the other person doesn’t understand. In fact, you should hear me bicker with Word’s grammar checker when it points out all of the fragments in my writing. But pride, whether in our academic knowledge, appearance, or social standing, comes at a sever cost. Something I was reminded of while watching Gone with the Wind over the last couple of nights. I guess it has been a while since I have watched the movie in its; entirety. Or perhaps I now have the maturity to better analyze it. Whatever the reason, I found myself both sympathetic to and disgusted by Scarlett. Pride makes us say and do the very worst things. Like this statement by Scarlett: “You know it's yours. I don't want it any more than you do. No woman would want a child of a cad like you... I wish for anybody's child but yours.” (Gone with the Wind- By Margaret Mitchell) We know this is a lie, just as she knows it is a lie. She missed him when he was gone and had been excited to tell him about the baby… until he told her he planned to leave again. Then, in order to save her pride, she said this awful thing to him. Pride, though, is a difficult companion to let go of. Like the shell on an armadillo, we feel like pride protects us from the weakness of our own insecurities. So how do we help our children, or ourselves, find the courage to move beyond its hold? Louisa May Alcott wrote, in Little Women, “… for love casts out fear, and gratitude can conquer pride.” And so, my gratitude for the gift of being able to write means that I even accept a computer telling me that my grammar needs improvement. And my gratitude that I get to share my daughter’s learning means that I can sit through her angry accusations of my own inequities without it becoming about me. What are you grateful for? Has pride ever kept you from something you really wanted? I love to hear from my readers. And to prove it, I am giving away my left-over Thanksgiving meal to one commenter during the month of November. :>) Just kidding. Actually… I will donate $10 to the (non-political) charity of your choice if you win the November drawing. Just leave a comment for any of my posts and check back at the end of the month to see if you are the lucky winner. Gobble, Gobble. Deanne
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“Argh! I don’t remember which site it was on.” The growling and grumbling was emanating from my office where my daughter was stuck in that black hole of searching for a particular game she had played on one of the sites she is allowed to visit. I am sure we could all commiserate with her. After all, I’m back to looking for the Christmas presents I hid just weeks ago in a place I was sure to remember them this year. Not! And, since the internet is far bigger than my home, imagine all of the places I would have to search to find that one website I saw months or years ago. I know, I know… there is the favorites tab. I promise, I do use it. But, unless you have an accountant mentality, or your own personal assistant to help set it up, the organizing underneath favorites can end up looking like, well, my closets. This picture, above, is taken of my office. I shudder to list the items that this closet stores for me; scrapbooking tools (rarely used), files, boxes of books, all of the school photos of my daughter, left-over fabric from projects- the list could go on for the entire length of this blog post. So, it should be obvious you would not want to see my favorites tab. There are three different tabs for writing. One of them is broken into two more tabs for setting locations. The same is true for Italy, school, food, travel (also in Italy and in writing). My own circular logic catches me, so that I can’t decide if a recipe for lasagna would be in family, food, travel, Italy or writing. Ultimately it is found in Christmas (I must have been tracking recipes to make over the holiday that year). Recently I too have found myself searching all connections, all favorites tabs, all top sites, and even my own blog, for a site I found about a year ago. I can’t quite remember how I originally came across it- though I think it might have been one of my Linkedin connections. But in any case now I can’t recreate that path no matter what I do. My last shot is to ask all of you. Do you know of a site that supports crowd-sourced publishing? I am not looking for one that offers fund, but rather one where the resources can come together and agree to create the project. So, for example, I would list my book idea and then solicit an editor, marketer, cover designer, who would agree to work on the book for a percent of the royalty. So far, in my searches, I have found sites that crowdfund book projects (like Indiegogo or Pubslush), or sites that aggregate these resources (like Writer.ly). But I have not yet found one that pulls together the actual resources. I know it exists… I found it once, many months ago. I probably even bookmarked it. But, since I am at a loss, I’m offering a special bounty for finding this site. Leave a comment with your suggestions and a link and if you are the first to get me to the correct site I will give you an e-copy of either of my books (BETTING JESSICA or UNTANGLING THE KNOT) or a PDF of my as yet unpublished third book, MOLTO MAYHEM – PLUS I will donate $10 to your favorite (non-political) charity. Good luck, and happy searching. Deanne Note: October is now over and I have selected the winner of the drawing for my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT. Thanks for all of the comments. The winner is… Judith Ashley. Write to me to claim your prize! |
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June 2020
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