"How many blondes does it take to return a movie....? Apparently one plus a man."
What???!!!! Okay, so I am about to go on a rant so if you are in more of a - life is good, let's all get along - kind of mood you might want to check our yesterday's post instead. Ironically enough, I was just listening to an NPR show about how the new line-up of this season's TV shows has men acting like bumbling fools while their wives are running the office and the home. The funny thing about this is that it was based on a sociological study of our current curlture. Don't believe me? Check out this link: http://www.npr.org/2011/09/12/140404987/washed-up-men-the-stars-of-fall-sitcom-lineup People who know me would recognize the sentiment behind this post, I have been a bit of a female crusader for most of my life. In grad school, where there were fewer than 30% women in the program, I almost had to be. And, since I am strawberry blonde I have certainly heard my share of blonde jokes; my favorite being that because I'm a red headed blond I get worked up about things but then forget what I was upset about. Funny, even to me. But when I hear it now, as a mom I cringe. This isn't how I want my blonde daughter seeing herself. And, think about it, if you replace the word blond in the overheard quote with any race or religion you choose it's not nearly funny anymore. What used to be a public battle, though, has turned into more of a personal one for me (other than this post, of course). And, given how very competent both my husband and my daughter are I feel like we are doing okay. In fact... last year when told by a little boy in her first grade class that girls couldn't be archeologists, my daughter answered - Nuh, uh. Thats not true. What abour Mary Leakey. She's very clever, but no prodigy. She makes plenty of mistakes; but I would blame that more on the fact that she is learning, not that she is blonde OR a girl. The point is... no one gets things right every time. I believe our intelligence shines through in how we learn from our mistakes and our humility in asking for help while figuring things out. In my book, Jessica has to learn this very difficult lesson. She compares herself to others and feels incompetent. But when she finds the courage to pursue a task without giving up she leanrs how to rely not just on her own knowledge base, but on other's as well. And of course, she is ultimately successful because of this. So, the guys in these new TV shows might feel incompetent, but isn't that how we all feel when doing something new. Hopefully they also learn and grow while doing these new activities society has foisted off on them, whether it is baking cupcakes or working for a super intelligent blond female.
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"There's not enough romance in the world...."
So, obviously, some of us are trying to fix this; trying to allow readers to experience romance through our characters. But I don't think this is actually what the person was talking about. And, it made me think.... what creates romance on a personal level? As a writer I should know this, of course. I should be using it in every bit of romantic setting and dialogue that i write. Yet... I'm not sure I've ever really asked myself this question. Is it different for each person or is it the same? Does it depend on age, or gender? Is it physical or metaphysical or both. My brain is spinning just considering all of these options. Stop! Breath... that's a start. Here in this moment, what is romance to me? It is not a connection I feel to another person right now since I am alone (a good thing to point out for my husband who reads my posts!) But is romance dependent on another person or can we find it in ourselves? There are many different definitions for 'romance' in the dictionary. For the purposes of this post, I took the following: an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity. Complex, but I liked that it had more depth to it than some of the other online definitions like: a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. I like the idea that I can experience romance without being in love. Can't a moment be romantic in its own right? Today the barista saw me when I entered Starbucks and when I didn't immediately go up to the counter he brought my drink over to me. This, to me, is somewhat romantic. I don't mean on his part... obviously, he's probably half my age and married to a very sweet girl. No... I mean, the idea that I could come into a place and belong so totally. The fact that someone could be so kind. The surprise of it. To me all of these things make that moment romantic. I have a very sincere emotional attraction to this place because of just such heroic actions. Do you think this means my standards for romance or heroism have fallen? Or, is it possible, that although I don't give myself credit for observation, as a writer I pay closer attention to the meaning behind small actions than I used to in the business world when my life was filled with pushing paper across my desk. Or perhaps it is because, as a mother, I have learned that even small acts can be heroic. So, maybe it is not that there is no longer much romance in the world; maybe it is that we have started moving so fast we don't stop to pay attention to the small, romantic gestures around us all the time. I wonder if I did whether I would begin to see romance everywhere. The way my daughter waves from the bus window, the way my friends make time out to meet me for coffee, the way my husband folds my socks just so.... romance might be pervasive in my world. How sad that I haven't been paying attention. |
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June 2020
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