Silence...

Aaackkk… it was exactly what I was scared of, that when it came to the Q & A part of my release party there would not be any questions. I had prepared myself for a bunch of random questions before the night started. But although I knew it was a possibility, I had not prepared myself for the silence. What should I say? Of course it only lasted for a moment, but it was enough to make me nervous.

Wearing the hat of author feels confusing when I am with my friends. I am still trying to figure out what people expect of a more formal author interaction. After all, these people usually see me in my sweats, make-up free and hair in a ponytail. But here I was, dressed nicely, hair straightened and real make-up on. The difference, at least visually, was obvious. 

Inside though I still felt like the same person, so how was I to act. Authentic as myself, certainly, but I also knew I was acting as the representative for my book. And I think that was the tricky part.

Now that my book is published it feels distinctly separate from me. In fact, it is difficult to remember that I wrote it. I don’t know if other authors feel this way, but although I know my characters and the story better than anyone, it now almost feels like a story I have simply read, rather than one I dreamt up.

In one way this is lovely… whereas writing is a very solitary endeavor, now I get to actually share the story with others who are enjoying it. On the other hand, there is now a public me, one that isn’t quite as defined as the wonderful characters in my book.

It would be much more comfortable to create that persona proactively, like I tried to do with my answers to the Q & A. But I am not sure I yet fully understand the question. And so, though I have never been good at sitting patiently in the silent spaces of life, like during the Q & A waiting out the transition period may very well open me up to a more authentic answer.

“I dreamt I was on a dolphin shaped cruise ship.”

Do you ever have periods where you dream every night? Logically I know that this has more to do with waking up more frequently and therefore remembering the dreams. But still… sometimes it just feels like your brain is trying really hard to tell you something.

If this is the case, I wonder what my husband’s brain was trying to communicate. In an effort to better understand the depth of my husband’s psyche (or perhaps simply because I wanted to tease him about it) I did a little research into these dream symbols. So here’s my amateur  interpretation:

Dolphins are apparently a good symbol to have in a dream. According to the website Dreammoods.com, “To see a dolphin in your dream symbolizes spiritual guidance, intellect, mental attributes and emotional trust. The dream is usually an inspirational one, encouraging you to utilize your mind to its capacity and move upward in life”

In a similar vein, riding on a boat has an emotional aspect.“To dream that you are in or see a boat signifies your ability to cope with and express your emotions.”

So, my husband is obviously going through a stage where he is ready to tap into his emotions. I imagine this has something to do with re-reading my new, very emotional, novel. I had no idea he was so touched by the angst my characters go through.

On the other hand, it could also be that he had simply watched too much T.V. about the stuck cruise ship and was feeling sorry for the people who had been on it. (Dolphins are also a sign of assistance and help.)

Either way, now that I have found this website, I hope to get all sorts of insights into my family’s innermost thoughts. Now I am off to dream, as usual, of losing teeth. Curious? Go look it up.