”Trick or treat.”

A nine year old zombie beekeeper had come into the coffee shop to trick or treat and gained the attention of everyone present. Driving around town it is just one of those days were you see Kimono clad adults and people in doctor scrubs who are nowhere near a hospital. Mostly, though, this year it seems to be all about the zombie.

Take any basic costume- bride, princess, fairy, jester. Rip it up a little. Add makeup- white face paint, big dark smudges under the eyes, hallow cheeks. And you have a zombie. It raises the cool factor by a ton and allows you to repurpose past costumes. What could be better?

But… I miss the days of sweet princesses and cowboys knocking on my door. As I write this I am sitting at EVOE, my favorite restaurant in Portland, talking with Kevin Gibson about Halloween. “Do you get trick or treaters?” I ask. He shrugs. “We live in an upstairs apartment. We used to get kids being dropped off in vans who would come by. That was okay. But now it is fifteen year olds all in black. I ask them what they are and they tell me ax murderers. It’s not my thing.”

Kevin is a master of understatement… whether it is about his phenomenal food or terrible teenagers. I keep hoping if I hang out I might catch some of his calm (definitely the wine helps with this.) So far, though, I  think I overwhelm him with my enthusiasm. 
 
“Are you trick or treating?” he asks me.
“Why do you think I am here?” I smile… and hope he gives me an extra glass of the Barbera D’Asti.

Whatever and wherever your Halloween leads, I hope it is filled with more treats than tricks.

Cheers,
Deanne

“Did they smash my pumpkin?”

This last weekend my daughter had special homework. A kind family had donated pumpkins for all of the kids and they were asked to bring them home and carve and decorate them in their likeness. They returned them to school yesterday, were going to use them for decoration at their party Wednesday, and then would be able to bring them home after school that day.

Except…. Last night some kids came around and smashed all of them. This would have been difficult enough on the students if they had simply decorated them. But the fact that the pumpkins were self-portraits, made the vandalism that much more hurtful.

Kids can be stupid and silly at this time of year. After all, the idea of playing tricks is built right into the phrase they grow up saying on Halloween. There is a fine line, though, between a stupid trick and a cruel one. Perhaps when the harm is being done to someone you can’t see it makes it easier to ignore the cruelty. In this case, though, one of the kids who vandalized must have seen the faces on the pumpkins and thought, huh?!

Listening to that little huh is not always easy to do, though; especially when we are surrounded by louder voices egging us on. It takes courage and real character strength that I imagine few high schoolers possess. So, while it might be easy to vilify the perpetrators, the lesson our own kids should walk away with is, how can they build the courage and strength to pay attention to their own internal compass of right and wrong- even in the face of peer pressure.

If you are a parent and have not yet found Dr. Michelle Borba here is a link to her website. She has detailed, specific, useful advice on how to deal with all sorts of child rearing issues. The link above will actually take you to a blog post she wrote on handling peer pressure. One of my own take-aways from the post was the goal of reinforcing my daughter’s assertiveness at a young age, rather than treating it as rebellion. My focus should not be on the fact that she disagrees with something, rather perhaps on how she expresses that disagreement.

Vandals might be able to destroy the physical aspect of the pumpkin but they can not take away the experience of creating it. So too, the inner strength we build sticks with us, even as the external world around us changes.

Here is to Kind Tricks and Yummy Treats this Halloween. 

Do you have techniques for encouraging assertiveness in your kids? Have you ever had a pumpkin smashed? I love hear from you. And to prove it I will be giving away my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October.

Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one  visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment… so check back at the beginning of November for directions on how to claim your prize!)

The croaking of our resident frog.

Unlike the squirrels who continue to torment me, the frog that lives in the backyard feels like a personal friend. For one thing, his calling does not seem to aggravate our dog. But for another, it may be the time of day he signs his song. I drift off to sleep with his croaking and wake in the morning to it as well. No one else in my family even seems to notice. So, in a way, it feels like his song is just for me.

In reality, that is sort of gross though. Because I am pretty sure I read somewhere that frogs sing when they are trying to mate. Ewwww! I write sweet romance, not reptilian erotica. Although this week The Colbert Report  spotlighted an author who writes dinosaur erotica so I guess it exists somewhere. There is something for everyone.

Can’t we just be friends? I like to think so. I’ve never bought into the whole Harry/Sally thing that men and women can’t be friends. I like to think anyone can be friends- even frogs and people. Among other definitions Webster says a friend is: One attached to another by affection or esteem; A favored companion. Under these definitions my dog, Summer, would certainly be included as one of my closest friends.

Wikipedia goes much farther: Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other's company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend. (Link here for full discussion.)

I have to (mis)quote Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice here, “I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished -friends- (women). I rather wonder now at your knowing any.”

Under this accounting I would have to say my only friends would be my dog and, of course, my husband. To degrees we may find all of the above in our closest friends. But it seems like a very long list to find in any one person… though perhaps not a frog.

What are your thoughts on friendship? Do you count animals as friends? I love to hear your thoughts and to prove it
I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October.

Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will select one random visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

“Dairy cows are super skinny until they are two to three months old.”

The little calf in question looked like it was all skin and bones. I would have liked to have said it was cute – after all, what baby animal isn’t cute? – but in reality, it looked so pathetic it made me nervous. This feeling must have stuck with me as I found myself this morning writing a blog post about skinny cows.

To reassure myself I ended up doing some research online. I Googled: skinny dairy calf vs beef calf – nothing about calf sizes, but a lot about feeding regimen. Why are dairy calves so skinny? – nothing about dairy calves, but a whole section on showing dairy cows (hair is buzzed off) vs showing ‘fluffy’ beef cows
(hair is combed to make them look puffy). Ultimately, I ended up discovering lots of interesting facts about feeding dairy cows, breeding them, their four intestines (they don’t actually have four stomachs), and statistics for how much
dairy we consume in the U.S. The only mention of skinny calves turned out to be an animal activist discussion of how taking calves away from the mothers too early effects their weight.

I’d like to be able to say that I walked away with a better understanding of how calves are weaned and why. But actually, after all my reading, I am more confused. I suppose this is why there are entire Ph.D programs for bovine husbandry.

On the other hand, some of the research I found really interesting and wanted to share with you. Given that it came from a local dairy site, well, it may have a slight bent to it. Even still, I particularly like the one about how much ice cream Oregonians eat.

COOL COW FACTS – courtesy of Umpqua Diary. (Find more here:  http://www.umpquadairy.com/recipes-more/cool-cow-facts/)

• It used to take a person 1 hour to milk 6 cows by hand. Today, a person can milk 100 cows in an hour with modern machines.
• Before modern milk delivery, when people traveled and wanted milk, they had to take their cows with them.
• The main breeds of dairy cows are Holstein, Guernsey, Jersey, Brown Swiss and Ayrshire.
• There are about 11 million cows in America. They will make about 57.5 billion quarts of milk this year.
• It takes 12 pounds of whole milk to make one gallon of ice cream.
• The milk mustache advertising campaign was launched in 1995.
• The natural yellow color of butter comes mainly from beta-carotene found in the grass the cows graze on.
• An average dairy cow weighs about 1,400 pounds.
• Milk is better for cooling your mouth after eating spicy food. Milk products contain casein, a protein that cleanses burning taste buds.
• There are approximately 340-350 squirts in a gallon of milk.
• Cows drink 35 gallons of water a day — the equivalent of a bathtub full of water.
• The milk bottle was invented in 1884. Plastic milk containers were introduced in 1964.
• Average U.S. cow produces 53 lb of milk per day, or 6.2 gallons.
• Consumer spending on dairy products is $74.6 billion     dollars annually about 1.33% of personal income.
• 12.27 % of the food dollar is spent on dairy products.
• In 2003, Portland, Oregon bought more ice cream per person than any other U.S. city. Looks like everyone else has a lot of catching up.
• The ice cream cone’s invention is linked to the 1904 World’s Fair in St. Louis. An ice cream vendor reportedly didn’t have enough dishes to keep up with the demand, so he teamed up with a waffle vendor who rolled his waffles into cones.

Anyone else feel like a big bowl of Moose Lake Fudge?

What’s your favorite flavor of Ice Cream? Do you have any milking experience? I’d love to hear your stories. And to prove it I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October.
Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

“It’s a crazy thing. Fate has perfect wings…”

I’ve heard these lyrics for ANGELS WORKING OVERTIME, by Deana Carter, many times But for some reason, while driving along the Columbia River, they inspired some new, deep thinking. I’ve always had trouble reconciling predestination with free will. How can we be predestined for something and still be able to choose our path? It makes no sense.

Deana Carter's words shed light for the first time on this internal debate. A few posts ago I wrote about angels (they must be in some way central to my life right now.) You can read the post here. But one point I made was that their action in our lives occurs in whispers of truth that we choose to hear or ignore.

This idea matches the concept of predestination as Tim Staples writes in Predestined for Freedom, an article in The Catholic Answers Magazine. To quote Mr. Staples:

“Man is truly free and God calls him to freely choose to serve or not to serve the Lord.”

Because of God’s Grace we are each given the gift of redemption, meaning life with God here and now and after death. Our choice is whether to accept this gift. To imagine that God controls these choices is anti-Catholic. God does not decide wars, nor lottery wins. And certainly God does not decide Congress’ decisions. Rather, God offers, through Grace, the chance to at any point direct our life toward Him.

So how does this relate to Deana Carter’s song and Angels? As I rode along, listening to the lyrics of this song I realized that Angels are part of that grace-filled gift. When we choose to listen, they help us choose that direction
which takes us towards God rather than away; something that in a complex world is not always as obvious as we would like it to be.

This is really obvious as we read the lyrics to Ms. Carter’s song. Which choice was right, which was wrong? Each one has redemption built into it, so that at any point in time we can hear the whisper of the angel and make a decision that leads us back to God.
(By the way.... it's a great album. You can buy it by clicking on the link from the cover photo above:>)

I hope today you feel an angel on your shoulder! And if, perhaps you do- or if you ever have- I would love to hear about it. And, to prove how much I love hearing from you I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING
THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October. Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one  visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book.(Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

NOTE: September is now over; thanks to everyone for your fun comments. I have chosen the winner of
BETTING JESSICA from the names of those who commented during the month. Congratulations  JENNY HANSEN. Please send me and email at dwilstedauthor (at) outlook (dot) com and let me know where I can send your digital copy:>)

“We just had a marriage ceremony with 150 dogs.”

I am assuming, give the barking taking place all over the casino, that by dogs she was referring to the animals’ species, not the brides’ appearances.

We were in Vegas celebrating our 15 year anniversary, and deciding whether to renew our vows at the Cosmo’s pop-up wedding chapel. It had the fun, funky vibe we were looking for. But somehow we couldn’t really work up the energy or motivation to pay $125 for a fake wedding vow renewal. Maybe if Elvis had been the minister.

We were living in England on our first anniversary. So we used the occasion to stay on the grounds of a nearby National Trust property, Cliveden House. Our cottage was down on the banks of the Thames, and we had to drive up a dark, dirt road to get to dinner at the restaurant in the main house.

Give my husband a secret door anywhere and he is happy. So, to be seated next to one during dinner was his idea of perfect romance. Mine, though, was having a private dessert served to us in the library. While waiting for what turned out to be a plate decorated with Happy Anniversary in chocolate, we scanned the books on the shelves. One that we picked up, a biography written by Cornelius Vanderbilt Jr., my husband gave me as a gift on our 2nd
anniversary:>) At the end of the evening it was either the wine, the fact that I am legally blind without my contact lenses, or that we were in a 200 year old cottage, but I woke up in the night convinced there was a ghost in the
room.

Not all anniversaries are this memorable or relaxed. And, I think in many ways anniversaries are much like New Year’s Eve- the expectations can be a set up for failure. Yet, as I read more about the doggie weddings I imagined
their owners dreaming up something even grander for future  anniversaries. The good news is that the pups won’t feel this pressure. They will simply be surprised by a full day of treats and attention. It could be a great model for
how I to handle my own anniversaries in the future.

Have you celebrated an anniversary recently? What did you do to mark the occasion? I love hearing from my readers. And to prove it I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October.
Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one  visitor/commenter to receive a free  download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

NOTE: 
September is now over; thanks to everyone for your fun comments. I have chosen the winner of BETTING JESSICA
from the names of those who commented during the month. Congratulations JENNY HANSEN. Please
send me and email at dwilstedauthor (at) outlook (dot) com and let me know where I can send your digital copy:>)

“… (It) is like going to your credit card company after you’ve maxed out and saying- I’m
not going to change my spending, I’m not going to spend less, but I want you to raise the rate.” Tom Cole (R) Oklahoma

Yesterday Alex Wagner had Oklahoma State Rep., Tom Cole (R) on to discuss the possibility of default on the U.S. debt. His point was in reference to asking Democrats to negotiate over the debt ceiling. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he meant ‘raise the limit’ NOT ‘raise the rate’ (which will indeed happen if we default), it seemed like a fair point.

But wait!

Blame whomever you wish, the bottom line is that the congress has had a chance to reach a budget agreement for months (since the sequester went into effect, March 1st in fact.) And yet they failed to come together to resolve this and put in place a real budget.

And, what about that sequester? How’s that going? Check the numbers and you will see that the budget is already at lower spending levels than the majority of either party proposed back when they were attempting to resolve this a year ago. Unlike the congressman’s example, we may not like how we got here, but the federal government has been placed on a financial diet. (So feel free to begin referring to last year’s Super Committee as the Jenny Craig of Federal Spending.)

Where does that leave us, then? I don’t know about you, but I am scared. The politicians so far seem unable to acknowledge the harm they are inflicting. And I don’t care how many resolutions they pass to bring select government employees out of furlough, all I see are the kids unable to go to Head-Start, or the families who can’t pay for their housing this month because of a lack of housing assistance.

It is not right. Conservatives claim that government is too big and these things should be handled by private organizations, like churches or non-profits. Show me where that is happening right now. Please, really, show me. I would like to know that these people who suffer are getting more than a 10% discount on their hamburger. I’d like to think that people, other than Colbert, are stepping in to provide the services that are not available because congress can’t accept that they already made a mistake by letting it get this far.

And liberals, stop making this about winning some game. The first rule of negotiation is NOT to back your opponent into a corner. The right is claiming you won’t negotiate. We know that there is room for agreement outside of the two crises that face us. So stop letting your rhetoric block in both sides. It is not helpful!

Tom Cole is an excellent example that things are not always black and white. I hope everyone can see that there are many, many colors that make up our country and each of them have a story. Listen!

I’m done with my rant now… but you may have something to add. I love to hear comments- I just ask that you
keep them civil and fact based. 

And, to prove how much I love hearing from you I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October. Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I
will randomly select one  visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

NOTE: September is now over; thanks to everyone for your fun comments. I have chosen the winner of BETTING JESSICA from the names of those who commented during the month. Congratulations JENNY HANSEN. Please send me and email at dwilstedauthor (at) outlook (dot) com and let me know where I can send your digital copy:>)

“Well, the one that we have that I kind of know well was when I was four. And it’s called ‘Little Angels’ and I wrote if for my sister.”

Morning Edition on NPR has been featuring prodigies this week. There is nothing like listening to a 12 year old compose an on-the-spot song to provide a large dose of humility. This girl, Emily Bear, began writing songs when she was three, preformed her first, solo concert at Rivinia in Illinois when she was only five, and has performed at the White House and Carnegie Hall.

The ‘Little Angels’ song she referred to in the overhear was one of the ones she performed at Rivinia. To hear it, link here to the NPR story and audio recording of the broadcast.

When I was four I was excited to finally figure out how to draw the number ‘six’. I followed my older (five year old) sister everywhere, and would drink out of a cup with my tongue sticking part way out. Still, my mother was always convinced- and still is- of my greatness.

This, of course is one of the jobs of motherhood, to see beyond the inability to tie shoe laces, or eat with a fork and celebrate the potential inside. I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. What makes a good one. How to be a good friend. I have wondered if shared interests (like running or writing) is the cornerstone to a solid relationship of any sort. But, while I imagine that shared interests are a natural bridge between people, what I really enjoy about my friendships are our differences. I love the moment when I discover one of these hidden talents or gems about a friend. When our relationship has gotten close enough for me to see that, in their own way, they are a prodigy of some form.

The mother in the NPR piece goes on to explain that they dislike the word prodigy. That at least for Emily, her talent has been more organic than the word prodigy implies. Organic is a lovely way to think about the parts of my friends (and myself) that are unique and graceful. 

And I use that term, graceful, very specifically. Because I honestly believe each of us is given some very special gifts in life and it is our job to discover and share them. How do we know what these gifts are… they are the organic parts of us that seem so natural we don’t even recognize them. And it is only when a friend (or mom) celebrates the talent that we become aware of it.

The trouble, unless of course we’ve been asked to perform at the White House, is in believing people when they give us compliments about our talents. But next time someone says something about my creativity, or my planning, or even the way I wash dishes, I am going to say a little prayer of thanks for the wonderful gifts I have been given.

Are you known for a special talent that you otherwise take for granted? Do you see things in your child(ren) that others perhaps miss? I love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment and let me know.

And, to prove how much I love hearing from you I will be giving away a copy of my book, UNTANGLING THE KNOT, to one lucky commenter in October. Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I
will randomly select one  visitor/commenter to receive a free  download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on  how to claim your prize!)

NOTE:
September is now over; thanks to everyone for your fun comments. I have chosen the winner of BETTING JESSICA from the names of those who commented during the month. Congratulations JENNY HANSEN. Please send me and email at dwilstedauthor (at) outlook (dot) com and let me know where I can send your digital copy:>)

“I must have an angel on my shoulder.”

The concept of angels has been on my mind a lot lately. Whenever my daughter is struggling with her anxiety, we call on angels to help her. Specifically, there is a wonderful prayer we say:

Four corners to my bed.
Four angels round my head.
One to watch, two to pray,
and one to keep all fear away.
              -A 16th C English Nursery Rhyme-

We’ve said this prayer since she was a little girl, and on stormy nights like the ones we’ve had lately it seems to comfort her. It probably helps that the angel illustrations in the book are beautiful.

Angels are a confusing entity for most people. Many connect them to the death of a loved one; like the loved one has become an angel sent back to earth. In fact, this is not true. In Catholicism Angels are defined as: A pure spirit created by God. The website, Catholic Online goes, on to explain - The English word "angel" comes from the Greek angelos, which means 'messenger'.

This understanding of the angel messenger can be seen in the angel Gabriel who came to Mary to share the news of her pregnancy with Jesus. Many years ago, when I was in 5th grade, I had the privilege of acting the part of Gabriel (or more accurately, a child practicing to be Gabriel in a Christmas Pageant play.) In every scene of the play I popped into a drama unfolding, and through practicing my lines of peace and joy helped the characters resolve their differences.

Even today I recognize that the angels’ messages aren’t as obvious as either Gabriel’s one to Mary or even a child portraying that angel in a school play. Instead there is often but a whisper of truth or warning that we feel in a moment of decision. Sometimes their presence might influence another who is the ultimate messenger. Case in point, the police officer who gave me a speeding ticket yesterday…. A clear message to slow down, which was reinforced by a friend as I described my life in general right now.

Breath, I hear the angel say. Be present. I’d love to see an angel in person; especially if they are as beautiful as the ones in prayer picture book. But even still, I don’t doubt that, like my overhear above, I’ve already had my fair share in life of angels on my shoulder.