“You have to skate with the flow or you’ll cause an accident.”

As life advice goes, this is mostly true. A young girl, without caution, was diving out onto the skating rink facing the wrong direction. Even after I overheard the skate monitors (aka police) explaining how this was dangerous, she continued to enter the rink as if she were a salmon headed upstream to spawn.

This is just one example of how we are taught, at an early age, that going against the tide can be dangerous.  Which
of us hasn’t panicked after turning onto a one way street going the wrong way? And even unintentionally, we can find ourselves trying to head back into a stadium (say for a forgotten jacket) after an event is over and the crowd is
moving against us.

For the most part in life I don’t really like to tempt fate. I try to go in the way I am directed and stay with the mainstream. But lately, I have found myself testing this way of doing things. Tens of thousands of people query literary agents every year… so it is difficult to differentiate my work from that of the crowd. But on the periphery (and growing larger) there is a group that has dug their own little canal to bypass that river.  It was not easy to get
myself out of that strong current, but once I did I found a new path that, at least so far, has helped me and my writing grow. 
 
This analogy doesn’t entirely hold water (...oh yes, I did:>) since I don’t feel the world of e-pub goes entirely against the flow…. But it certainly cuts across it in a new way. And this can be dangerous. 

It’s true… even if a publisher now found my first book, Betting Jessica, and loved it, they probably wouldn’t publish it since they would want all the rights, including the digital ones. Agents and publishers may see me as a rebel and therefore not be willing to take me on for future work. More importantly, without the gatekeepers, I am entirely responsible for the quality of my work…. My reputation is on the line.

When you are roller skating and you are travelling in the same direction as the flow it is like you have a group around you both pushing you forward and holding you up. They are supporting you. But when you cut across that group, you are alone…. And worse, you are in their way and may very well get run over.

I am still waiting for the big mac-truck of writing/publishing that could seriously take me down. I know it is out there…just as that girl knew that a large clump of skaters could trip her up. But…sometimes, even when you know that it is easier and safer to go with the flow, you still have to forge your own path; because there is another saying which also holds true and which every mom knows… 

Just because the crowd is doing it, doesn’t mean you should.

The song of birds

My garden is abuzz with the activity of happy flying creatures today. A woodpecker chips away at a pine tree; small chickadees pluck at the grass, and bright orange robins seach through the remains of the bird feeder that came off in a storm a few nights ago.

With the sun out and all the wildlife around me, it almost seems like spring is on its way. The only contradition is the harsh, 34 degree temp. outside right now.

For as long as we have been married my husband and I have had an argument over the name of this time of year. He calls it spring.... but to me it is still clearly winter. It makes it difficult to plan holidays since we become very confused about whether we are taking a spring or winter break. 

I have come to see that this is much more than a difference in definition... I believe it is a psychological distinciton between us. I am a waiter, I would rather be surprised on Christmas morning than shake the presents beforehand to learn what they are. I like the anticipation and the planning. My husband, on the other hand, is a shaker. He searches for hidden presents and then tries to guess what they are through the wrappings. He is ready for things to happen immediately, and encourages it right along.

Either way is good... (though it does make it tricky to surprise him!) But I bet this difference shows up in more ways than simply presents and the season. In writing we frequently debate the pros and cons of being a pantser or a plotter. Pantsers let the story unfold as they write it without detailing the plot twists in advance. On the other extreme, I have met plotters who literally  lay out a specific number of note cards with the key plot points listed and then fill in the details to fit each card.

Again, neither way is wrong (and I happen to think a little of both probably works pretty well). But I suddenly wonder if this relates to this psychology of waiting. It is important for me in my writing to be surprised by what my characters do.... it is part of what makes it fun for me. Trying to strip away that surprise in the very beginning would be like forcing Spring to come early. I don't feel ready until everything is fleshed out and it actually surrounds me.

But much as I like to be surprised by my characters, I have to remember, they don't really care. Plotter or pantser, waiter or shaker.... go with what works for you; the birds will sing and peck at the grass whether I call it Winter or my husband calls it Spring.

"Do you smoke it or eat it?"

As most people know, I hear some weird stuff at Starbucks; but this was a partuclarly strange day. Next to me sat two older men discussing the pros and cons of medical marijuana and dispensaries. It is personally telling that in my younger days I would have been terrified of them.... packed up my stuff and moved at least across the room, if not left altogether. (I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen; perhaps I'd get caught in the crossfire of a doobie battle?)

Now, with more maturity, and a blog to write, I stayed and pretended to type while I listened in on their discussion. Who knew that there is a form of marijuana that you can apparently rub on like an ointment? Certainly not me. One of the guys seemed to have  a medical condition that allowed him to use medical marijuana... and according to him, it really helped. Now, I don't know what the condition was (and as much as I like to overhear interesting things, that would have been too personal, so I didn't even try.) But, whatever the reason, it reminded me that everything is a matter of perspective.

I thought the same thing last night as I listened to the State of the Union. I am awefully grateful to have a home, food on my table and security for myself and my family. And somehow it is far easier for me to relate or at least sympathize with the perspective of those who don't have all that. What IS tough for me, though, is to think like someone in the 1%. I am scared to even let myself go there. Why? because I am not sure, that given their perspective I might not make similar choices. Isn't it possible I would take advantage of loopholes and beneficial treatment to protect my wealth? Even at the expense of the 99%?

I really hope not, but I am afraid the answer could easily be yes. Aren't we all, to some degree, protective of what we have. I've often joked that I carry a small purse because, no matter what the size, I always manage to fill it. There is always room for more in my mind.... not just in my purse, but in my life.  So, how then would someone convince me that what I have is enough and it is time to share?

I think it may be about reframing the question.... all the way back to the original thought: why do I protect what I have? In my Catholic upbringing I was taught that God will provide. It is clear I do not trust this. Mother Theresa.... yes, she clearly had faith in this concept. Me? No.... I still fight against the proverb that is is more difficult for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

Like the gentleman at Starbucks, though, I would not be surprised if life didn't throw me a curveball at some point simply to test my beliefs. It is not as simple as either or.... either marijuana is right or it is wrong... either I give away all I have or I horde it. I think it is about working to understand that, with or without mood altering substances, we can be open to and accept many different perspectives as true.

"I may be staring over your shoulder through some of dinner."

Last night some wonderful friends, who also happen to be my neighbors, threw a surprise party for me to celebrate fulfilling my dream of publishing. There is much I could say about this.... how having them recognize the importance of this accomplishment made it even more real for me... how the large group of friends that surrounded me reaffirmed the incredibly fortunate life I have... how fun it was to talk about my work with friends who have only seen the external aspects of what I do; but what I wanted to blog about today, was the incredibly important role my husband has played in my writing career.

The overhear was from him.... we were sitting in the fancy restaurant, and he was watching the football playoff game on a small TV across the room. I had been confused about why we were even going out because his favorite team, the Giants, were playing. I knew how important the game was to him so I couldn't imagine what kind of date could be so compelling.

I should have realized it was about my writing. Almost anything else in our life together is negotiated.... where we vacation, who we have over for dinner, what activities our daughter does.... but not writing. From the very beginning my husband has made my writing a priority in our life. He seemed to understand the importance of it in my psyche even before I did. .. but let me go back.

It was the year 2000 and we had just moved back to the U.S. from England. I was burnt out. I had been in an amazing job in England working with a great team on an online content strategy for Barclays Bank. It was energizing and exciting to be part of something so relevant, but it was also exhausting.... especially adding in a 3 hour commute each day. 

When we got to Boston, we both decided I would take a break. What about earning money, I asked.... my income had been a significant contribution to our household to that point. No, I needed a break, he assured me. I needed to write. It felt like a boondoggle.... a scam. I didn't have to go into an office? I got to enjoy a coffee at Starbucks and do something I loved to do anyway? How was that not a trick?

Fast forward 11 years. I am sitting at a table, surrounded by friends, explaining how I got here. Talking about the years when I was afraid to call myself a writer out loud. Talking about the work of creating and editing. Signing the dinner party menus so that my friends would have my signature to keep. And.... still feeling like I have gotten away with something. I look at my husband, he is watching me and the friends at the table, not the tv and I am reassured. This is how I know I am an author. Not because I am published, not because I have the skills, but because, on a night when my husband's own interest is competing, he is here, fully present with me and my writing career.

BTW - the Giants won, 20 to 17. Superbowl Sunday is all about him! GO GIANTS!

"You deserve a raise... plus 25 cents for my copy."

How about that.... I didn't even realize people still made copies at the library. It made me want to rush back and find the microfiche machine. It's been a while since I have done that kind of in depth research, but there's nothing like listening to the whir of the years sliding by on newspaper pages.

When I was growing up my father wanted me ot go into law.... specifically, space law (at least, that is what he called it). He figured that specializing in legal questions of who owns outer space would guarantee me a job for life. Who knew that the real niche was internet and content law. Our space shuttles have been decommissioned while pods of content still make maiden voyages to places unknown. Really... It's true. I was shocked to find someone in Greece had reviewed my book. And, though Greece is obviously not unknown, (in fact, I wish I knew it better) who could imagine 20 years ago that with the click of a button I could allow my story to be read across the world.

This also ignores the people who have probably already figured out how to download it illegaly. Well, maybe not... I can't imagine Betting Jessica making it onto the radar yet of illegal download sites. But, the fact is, it could. And, I'd be refusing to acknowledge the elephant in the room if I didn't note that fact this week in particular. Congressional debate continues over two proposed anti-piracy laws. As usual, the real battle is taking place between the large corporations on both sides with much to lose. Make the laws too strict and technology innovation flounders (also being decried as first amendment issues); two lenient and big content providers see an opening for royalties to be lost (the anti-piracy call).  (Check out this article at the NY Times for more on the debate.)

The balance between freedom and control is never simple.... I know since I wage it every day with my seven year old. And sometimes it is about timing. She may be ready to walk to the bus herself, but I wouldn't expect her to walk all the way to school yet. It may be that this battle is threading the same small needle. While it often feels like the internet has been around forever, of course the truth is, the information age is still in its infancy. And, like parents, we are learning as we go. The problem is, we have made mistakes before when we do this (uh, think Maccarthy era here). We are gun-shy, just like any new parent who has watched, from the outside, the mistakes of others. We react, rather than admit we don't have all the answers.

(side note here..... is anyone else worried that we force our politicians to claim they are superheros and thus know all the answers when clearly they don't?)

Anyway.... we do have precedent to help us. And, call me optimistic, but I also think most of us have a desire to do the right thing. What we don't have is a guaranteed outcome. But so be it. Would I give up the internet and go back to microfiche to protect my novel? No way!

I only ask, politely, that anyone who reads it considers that it took 10 years of my hard work to create.  It may not be Pulitzer prize winning, but it does deserves to earn at least as much as a copy at the library.

"I hate the rain."

We had snow yesterday... it was fun and exciting (and a royal pain), but today we are back to rain. Really, for those of you who don't live in the Pacific Northwest, this is what we get.... rain, gray, rain, rain, rain; all the way past July 4th. This is not simply a myth to keep people from moving here. This is our weather.

Yesterday my daughter's homework included an assignment to interview her family and find out more about how, when and why we came to live in this place. The how and when were easy, but it took some discussion to finally get underneat the why; and even still I am not sure we fleshed out the full answer.

If you've read Betting Jessica you know it is set in Boston.... and I have mentioned in other blogs that we were living there when I wrote it. We moved to Portland in 2005; partly for job, but mainly for lifestyle. And, though I might complain about the dreariness of winter here, one aspect of that lifestyle was the natural beauty of the place.... a direct result of that dratted rain.

Not long ago I was talking about the weather with a friend of mine who moved here from Mexico. She said that to her and her family, the rain is beautiful. It only brings happy feelings, since when she was growing up the entire town would celebrate when it rained. Rain meant food and growth and green, all good things in her mind and so it was difficult for her to understand how people here can complain about it. It made her want to go outside and dance, like when she was a child.

As I am sure you have heard, this year, the horn of Africa has experienced the worst drought, and famine, in over 60 years. It has taken 50,000 to 100,000 lives already and continues to put hundreds of thousands at risk. Our climate is changing... and what we take for granted in the PNW others are literally dying for. If you would like to learn more about what can be done to help countries adapt to an increasingly limited supply of water check out: http://www.brac.net/content/about-brac-agriculture-food-security or for disaster relief: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43841708/ns/nightly_news/t/famine-horn-africa-how-help/

It is a little cold to go out and do a dance in the rain today, but I do plan to simply cuddle up with my warm drink at Starbucks. I want to look out at the wet, dripping sky and appreciate, for a few moments, all that I have.

"How did they take the ordinary and make it extraordinary?"

We were looking at a picture of a child cooking with his neighbor, making a cake to celebrate a visit with Grandma. The other teacher had already defined ordinary and extraordinary with the second grade kids, and now they were staring intently at the picture trying to figure out what was so special about it.

I loved watching it, seeing the discovery in the faces when the teacher took the cake down to its most basic ingredients and asked how they'd enjoy eating a spoonful of flour, or oil, or an egg. I particularly loved this example because 4 years ago, as I was writing my second novel, Untying the Knot, my heroine used a very similar analogy to help explain God's involvement in our world to an already jaded 10 year old. 

I am re-editing this manuscript now in fact; preparing it for publication. And, of course, as part of this revision process I ask myself if the content makes sense.... is it what the heroine would say... would the other characters understand it... will my readers understand it? Sitting there yesterday, watching the kids' faces as they realized that even with ordinary ingredients something extraordinary can be created, reassured me I had been on the right track with my writing. 
 
It also demonstrated the concept in a new way. Because, just as my heroine prays for some guidance in how to explain the mystery of God, so too did I pray as I was writing that section.

“Well, I don’t really think I want anyone nearby me that can do such awful things,” Chloe said bitterly. 
Gabriella didn’t answer for a minute. Any ideas here? she prayed again. The thought of croutons returned but this time it made sense in a weird way.

I must have asked God the same question. Really? Croutons is the best you can do? But I went with it, and through the mystery that is writing, the story framed itself around this very important concept of ordinary to extraordinary.  

And, if anyone were to ask why I love writing so much I would say it is because of this, that every time I write I get to experience a Higher Power. Ordinary words, paper and pen or a computer, when mixed with imagination and Grace, create the extraordinary.  

"We fought the good fight and won."

Who knew a bagel could command such respect and power. The customers who were speaking with the Starbucks manager were delighted that their valiant efforts had brought back the chonga bagel. It was clearly a huge victory which they were preparing to celebrate all day.

This is very understandable to me. I love bagels; or, perhaps I just love cream cheese and need a good solid bread to shmear it on. But whatever the reason, I can sympathize with their devotion to this food. Hearing their enthusiasm made me want to thank the originators of this manna. But I was at a loss as to who deserved my gratitude. It turns out, there are many people to thank.

It is clear that the concept of a bread with a hole in the center has been around a really long time... what better way to carry food with you? I was thrilled to learn that Italians had their cracker-like version (Puglia created the Taralli and the Romans had buccalletum). There are also different crackers or breads with holes found in ancient China and Egypt (perhaps this will convince my daughter to try them). It doesn't seem to be until the 1600s, however, that Poland solidified the boiled and baked bagel as we know it in America today. The stories attributing this, and more information on the history of the bagel, can be found in a great article by Joan Nathan, A Short History of the Bagel, and in Maria Balinska's book, The Bagel: The Surprising History of a Modest Bread. (Just in case any of my readers love Bagels as much as I do).

But bagel loving goes much deeper than an affinity for a holey bread. Clearly these Starbucks customers had a favorite type of bagel: the chonga (can you say moderation?) To me the chonga, which includes just about every savory substance other than hamburger baked onto it, is over-kill. Why not just put it all on a piece of bread? I like to actually taste the bagel itself. But, this is the beauty of the American Bagel. As with many products, we have institutionalized the idea of choice. Chocolate chip bagels... fruit bagels... cheese and onion and sun-dried tomato bagels (and here in Portland I am sure I would be able to find a chocolate chip-bacon bagel). If you can dream it it is a bagel. 

So my gratitude goes much farther, I guess, than simply the ones who came up with a boiled, baked, bread wiht a hole. I am grateful too for the American culture which drives the delivery of choice; and not just for bagels, but many other things as well. It means that some people want to (and can) read deep, introspective literature, while others read light, cotton-candy ficiton. It's all good... and it's all available. And thank God for that!!!!!!

Because, after all this talk of bagels I plan to go to Noah's today for lunch; and, I know when I get there, I'll have many more options than an over-the-top chonga bagel. (If you are looking for one of those, try Starbucks.)
 

"We're having a funner 2012 than you are."

Facebook.... the dread media of our age. It is everything and nothing all at the same time. As a writer, I wouldn't dream of publishing a book without including it in my social platform. As a person, it drives me completely crazy. I may have ranted about this before, and if so, please forgive me.

I have been a member on Facebook for probably 6 years and initially my reaction to it was tentative at best. I am pretty private, and certainly more so with a young child so I was ultra careful about what I wrote (and actually still am). What I noticed by reading through comments, though, was the differences in how people were using it. Some people broadcast timely and important information that would otherwise be difficult to disseminate; such as babies being born or a new job. Other people seemed content to use it as a photo bulletin board. Connecting with past friends was another driver. And finally, there were the friends who sent out insights into their daily lives.

It was particularly this last group that grabbed my attention, and not really in a positive way. When I read their posts I felt voyeuristic, at best, and more often simply left out. Did I care that someone was buying a new fridge??? Not so much. Did I care that two friends were commenting on the dinner they had together over the weekend??? Totally!

My issue, I know.... but still, it made me wonder what a kid would do this information. If I could feel that sensitive, how much more so would a hormone driven teenager? Of course this is not news. Many sources have commented on the danger social media poses to children. And I am hopeful that new technology will resolve some of this before my daughter is old enough to beg for her own page.

At the same time, I realize social media is not going away and, just as I have needed to find my own balance with it, so will she. As a mom, I will need to help her decide how involved to be, how to respond to feelings of being left out or boring, how to post information that is relevant yet not too personal, and finally, how to take criticism.

This last part is ultra-important and not easy no matter what the platform. Kristen Lamb wrote an exellent Blog post (link here) today about how to handle, what she calls, Trolls on your Blog. Not everyone has the skills to write what they believe in helpful, non-emotional terms, and reading remarks from these people, whether it is about a dress worn to the prom or a blog entry, can be difficult and daunting.

Ironically though it is exactly this skill that seems to be of critical importance in our world today. The ability to dialogue and debate, to share our beliefs and feelings in an open and non-judgemental way should be a required course in junior high (and we should make all of our politicians take a review course with the kids!).

Because, while I may be having a "funner 2012" than many, my guess is that it is only because I haven't checked to see how they spent their New Years.

"If Dec. 21st really was the end... what would be on your bucket list?"

Lately I have had a couple of Celestine Prophecy moments. I mentioned on twitter that people keep referencing Wizard of Oz to me, and I'm still trying to figure out what that means. (If anyone has an idea, let me know:>) But the other reference is this idea of a bucket list.

Maybe it is simply that people have it on their mind as we head into 2012. Or perhaps the universe is trying to tell me that this is an important exercise for me. Either way, I have found it an intriguing discussion. Narrowing down our priorities to the very most important isn't easy and begs the question of whether we are spending our time well. My husband and I are in agreement that before the end we would want to live for at least a few months in Italy.

Of course the technical questions are always what keep us from an otherwise obviously fantastic experience: School and friends for our daughter???? Our jobs????? Money to afford it???? Our house; our dog????? Sadly, although an escape feels a lot less so if it requires years of planning, this would be the process we would need to go through in order to make our dream real.

And, I think this is the real power of a bucket list. Without consciously paying attention to our most important priorities our plans can get confused and take us in a completely different direction. This is true whether the dream is expat living in Italy or publishing our first novel. There are many hurdles that can get in the way of fulfilling our dreams, and that hard work can make us question whether it is worth it. In fact, that insecure feeling can be the most insidious hurdle of all; especially as a writer.

Writing and publising is arduous... and there is a reason many people don't get there. It is also incredibly worthwhile. But, if it is on your bucket list it's time to get started; make a plan, write every day, research the new world of publishing.... and do it now! After all, Dec. 21st is only 11 months and 12 days away.