“The 12 stages to intimacy can be overlaid against the story and relationship ARCs.”

There is always a hesitancy on my part when I am asked about what I write. For one thing, Comedic Women’s Fiction with Romantic Elements, is a mouthful; something I have to first prepare for by swallowing my saliva. But, for another thing, I have an idea that when I say Romance, that is what people glom onto.

It is not that I am embarrassed to write Romance. I can’t imagine trying to write anything that didn’t include a relationship.  Life is nothing if it is not about love. But, I think that what people think of when  they hear the word romance is sex. And this is the last thing I want to talk about with friends, family or even fans. (We can’t all be Delilah Marvelle… A wonderful writer in our group who writes very sexy, Historical Romance and always has a zinger at our meetings.)

But this was one of the reasons I was so interested in attending Elizabeth Boyle’s workshop on Adding Sexual Tension to our work. Note that the topic was about adding the tension, not just sex. And the very best stories
include tension of all kinds, sexual or otherwise. So I was determined to improve my craft in this important area.

One of the most important parts of her talk focused on the 12 Stages of Intimacy. Originally written about by Desmond Morris, it is a topic other presenters (especially Linda Howard) have discussed. But what I liked in particular about Elizabeth’s workshop was how she overlaid it against Story and Relationship, demonstrating when in the relationship each stage might naturally take place.

So, I came home and went through the manuscript I am working on (Molto Mayhem) to figure out how my timing was. It was interesting to see how I had subconsciously lined the moments up pretty accurately. Here’s an example-

Aiden chuckled, and Lucia felt his hand on the base of her back as he followed behind her. A tingle shot through her at the light touch and she jumped forward, like a cow shocked by an electric cattle prod.

This is the first time he has touched her that way, a stage of contact that is very intimate. It sends strong messages about desire and possession. Messages Lucia isn’t ready yet to face. Also, because Aiden skipped a couple of steps, Lucia’s assumption that he may be a player seems to be confirmed.

So, now that I’ve learned how to use the stages in my writing, I suppose it might be time to apply it to my personal life. For that, though, I think I better focus less on the tension and more on the intimacy.

Which stage of Intimacy do you think is the most sexy? (Don’t know what they are, link here to a great write-up by author Jenny Hansen) I love to hear your thoughts, and to prove it I’m giving away a copy of my book BETTING JESSICA to one lucky commenter during the
month of September.

Leave a comment for any of my blog posts and at the end of each month I will randomly select one visitor/commenter to receive a free download of my book. (Note: winner will be notified by a reply linked to their
original comment…. Check back at the end of the month for directions on how to claim your prize!)

“You can’t dye hair blonde, you bleach it.” (15 year old)

Isn’t it amazing the things you know at fifteen? Instagram – check, fad diets – check, manipulating the system – check; natural consequences – not so much.

This overhear reminded me of so many years ago when I was fifteen and still naïve about what really mattered in life. Long, blonde hair seemed incredibly important; as did (don’t laugh at the Brady Bunch context) a face without freckles. And I discovered great news; One household kitchen item could cure both apparently. Sitting in the sun with lemon juice on your face and hair was supposed to do the trick.

Ri-i-ight. Who in their right mind would ever think something like that was a good idea? Apparently me, and I ended up with a sunburnt, dried out, face and brittle, straw-like, hair.

Now I have come to love my freckles (although who knew that they would start to expand from those cute little dots they were back in high school to continent sized landmarks) and am amazed and grateful that my natural, strawberry-blonde hair hides the grey.

Still, while I have learned to accept myself in a way I never dreamed of in high-school, lately it seems like every dinner conversation at our house includes a dialogue with my husband over our need to lose some weight. And by lately here, I actually mean like for the last two years. So, we finally decided to re-visit Jenny Craig and become serious about it.

Funny, though, that the response I get most often upon telling friends that I am on the program is – “But you look fine. I don’t think you need to lose any weight.”

And, perhaps that is true… maybe I do look okay. But I’d like to pause here and re-visit some recent blog / social media posts.

1. Food has been featured in many (and if you haven’t found my Molto Mayhem blog with recipes from the novel
I am working on you may not realize this.)

2. I have been whinging a lot about the training I am doing for learning to kick a field goal (again, refer to my Field Goal blog)

3. The symptoms of menopause have been discussed in great length here over a period of time.

So, while I may not look like I need to drop some weight, the truth is, my body is telling me I do… and but
quick!

As well, though this is something else a fifteen year old might know but never say out loud, fortunately my daughter is only 9 and she had no qualms about it. She understood right away when my husband and I told her we were on a strict diet. “So then you’ll be able to wear that pink dress again?”

Yes.... it is all about fitting into my clothes comfortably and walking the hills around our house without wheezing.

She also went on to say, “Okay. So then if you and Dad are on a diet, does that mean I get to have the extra desserts every night?”

Big sigh….. “Sadly yes! Yes it does.”

Have you been on a diet you liked (or hated), or had a dress you really wanted to wear again from years earlier? I'd love to hear how you handled it and what people said if you told them. (I'd also love to know what crazy stuff you did at 15 if that is easier to talk about:>) Leave me a comment and share the journey.

Cheers,
Deanne