“Your wife looks beautiful tonight.”

In fact, I think I was looking particularly attractive that night…. But sadly that was not what this overhear was about.

We were at the live show of Radiolab Live: In the Dark, and a blind man was talking about the moment he realized his vision of his wife would never again be true to what she actually looked like (he had lost his sight as an adult).  His view of her would always be what she looked like when they met. 
 
In response to this he decided to force himself to let go of all visual memory sense; not just of her… but of everything. He would never again try to picture what things looked like and instead he would rely only on his
other senses to relate to things.

As I listened to his story and decision I began to consider whether what we see is ever truly “real”. I know this borders on philosophical so stick with me here while I work it out. But what I mean by this is that, don’t we each bring our own preconceived notions to everything we see around us? We put judgments on what we see based on what we’ve learned and experienced.

So, because I know that Tigers can be dangerous, if I were to see one loose I would look on it as a threat. I would see its teeth and claws and probably whether its hair was raised or flat. If I didn’t have that background, though, would I see it differently? Would I maybe see its stripes as art rather than ammunition?

Another example… my husband. When I look at him I see what he means to me. Not in the ‘you mean so much to me’ sense, but more in the ‘will he be willing to take our daughter to the dentist so I can write’ sense. I might see the clothes he is wearing, the expression on his face, his body language and this will tell me what I need to know. Ah… he is dressed in shorts, looks relaxed, and is smiling. Great…. More writing time. Others, though, might
see his nice looking calves, unhidden by longer pants. They might note the depth of his brown eyes or the length of his arms.

I remember in a college psychology class I learned that it only takes seven dates for us to no longer care about the appearance of the person we are going out with. Seven! That’s it. Familiarity might breed contempt, but apparently it also can breed love. Once we stop focusing on what someone looks like we begin to prioritize their other attributes. 
 
So, maybe the question of there being a true or real visual is mute. The beauty of love is that, blind or not, part of how I see my spouse will always include what he looked like when we met.

“I think it’s a lot easier to put toys away than to get them all out.”

Coming from my daughter, this was a riot! Getting her to pick up her playroom is like getting politicians to agree on a budget. No matter how much I negotiate, cajole, bribe or force, it still end up being me doing the majority of the work.

I was all prepared to let the statement pass by as the obvious ploy it was, until she suggested I use it as on overhear. Huh! Was there more to the statement than trying to foist another clean-up onto me? It made me wonder.

As I considered it I realized that in a weird way, I do kind of like putting things away. It is very rewarding to put all the little plastic Polly Pocket pieces into one bin, and the Barbie clothes into the other bin. I love going through her craft box and purging old stuff and organizing her feathers, stickers, yarn and markers. 

What I don’t like is trying to figure out where things belong. What about a picture she has done… should I keep it or toss it? If I keep it, where does it go? Will I even care in a year that she signed her name in cursive with a little curly-cue on the end filled in with hearts?

And what about the toys that don’t have a logical home… where do they go? I can’t mess up the well-ordered bins with them, but they don’t fit anywhere else (unless it is the garbage).

In a way I think this is what she meant by it being difficult to take her toys out… It is not like she dumps out one bin and then moves on to another simply in order to make a mess. Toys are placed in their locations carefully and thoughtfully and imaginatively. Barbie clothes might form the basis for a store that the Polly Pockets run; while an old Cinderella carriage, like a bus, brings the doll-house people from their home to go shopping. 
 
When I think of it this way I realize that I can relate to the challenge of creating stories like these. It is not much different than what I do when I am in the creative stage of my writing. Of course at some point I then have to organize and reframe things into their logical bins…. Figure out what content doesn’t fit in the story and purge it… or find a way to save it for future use.

So, really, both are challenging in their own way; rewarding too, but still challenging. Seeing the taking out and putting away as two very different endeavors can help make each a bit more rewarding and fun. Certainly, when I have attempted to control the mayhem made by the creative stage of my daughter’s playing by telling her she can only take out one bin at a time it has ended with a much abbreviated playtime. 

And this, then, is my writing lesson for the day: Creativity is hard enough work without also taking away the fun and freedom of using the full range of our imagination.

“Singapore is the next big expat spot.”

One of the nicest aspects of EVOE, besides the amazing food, is the shared sense of experience as you sit at the bar watching the chefs prepare your dishes. Sometimes it is simply an acknowledgement between strangers that
the plate they ordered is ‘the best yet’. But sometimes, it turns to a greater conversation, a discussion of past food experiences that leads to personal history.

In this case our neighbor at the bar was also on a date night, and as we compared notes on children we learned that they had been expats in Germany. We talked a little about this; about the gift it is to explore different cultures and environments, and they went on the give the above quote.

“Would you ever want us to move to Singapore for work?” I asked my husband. His answer was uncertain. He has spent time there and knows it can be hot and crowded. And while he likes food, he doesn’t really love Asian flavors.

Still, there is something compelling about being so close to the center of action in our world; and especially about being there with children… exposing them to a culture that is driving the future.

Our dinner neighbors and my husband also felt it would be nice to be able to afford a personal housemaid. Me personally…. not so much. I hate to clean, but would find it difficult to have someone live with me and not feel the need to take care of theminstead of letting them care for us. 

On the other hand, I wonder how much writing I could get done if I had someone else to help shop, clean, prepare meals, even pick my daughter up from school. It is, of course, a trade-off. Those little things also help me to
be a better writer. And besides… how on earth would I find my overhears without understanding what was being said around me.

So for now, I think we will continue to enjoy our gentle life here… pushing our daughter’s boundaries by bringing her back to EVOE and actually making her eat something other than the bread and butter she insisted on last time.

“It’s weird… there are the people that choose design and then there are the people that end up in design because they, like, failed architecture and stuff.”

For the longest time in my life if someone said the word design to my brain would go to either architecture or the concept of form vs. function.  It wasn’t until after my MBA when I began to build business cases for websites that
I learned about Information design. 

It makes me wonder how that person who was speaking in my overhear would compare this type of design. Would they say that people who can’t write go into informational design? If so, I would have to argue. Because, from the little I know of this discipline, it is at least as important, if not more important, than writing itself.

A useful article, Information Design: The Understanding Discipline, written by Dirk Knemeyer reveals the complexity of this important discipline. Here is a quote explaining its relevance:

“Information design is the integrator that brings other disciplines together to create excellent information solutions… There are meaningful groups within graphic designers, writers and information architects that all make some claim to the term information design. Typically, disciplines are easy to define in at least a basic tactical way. Graphic designers provide visual solutions. Writers provide written solutions. Information architects provide structural design solutions. Information design ostensibly comes down to a broad set of information deliverables, not any single type or particular component of other disciplines.”

So, for example, information design would suggest that I first need to clearly understand the purpose of my blog and then build the structure, look and feel, and even content around it. As such, the comments tool would be considered part of its’ design; as would pictures I use, links I create, sound /movie bytes I use, the formatting of my content and even the topics I write about. All of this and more go into a well designed information setting.

You can see then, that while critically important, using this discipline is complex and difficult. At the same time… the more we know as writers about how to make this happen, the better we will be able to take advantage of the new digital platform for presenting our material. A great example of this is a book written by Ryan Chin, Without Rain There Can Be No Rainbows.

He has successfully used interactive media to engage readers in his topic of New Zealand by allowing them to link out to video about his topic.  

But, just like less is sometimes more when it comes to graphic design, this can also be true with information design. Many publishers are talking about how to use interactive tools in children’s books. Here I think care should be taken. The starting point for the book should always be the purpose of the information. If it is to entertain, than directing kids to fun tools works. If it is to encourage reading the same tools might distract from the goal. 

The best thing we can do, then, as writers, is to clearly understand our informational purpose for what we are writing and then to be open to the many ways to affect it; be it the written word or a home-made movie.  While a house without design may live for years, if the kid’s bedroom is open to the living room, no one will ever want to buy it.  In the same way at some point I believe it won’t be enough to simply write a story, even a good one. We will need to present that story with the best possible design in order to sell it.

The sound of snoring.

It was a quiet day at Starbucks. A few sets of people were talking softly in their little niches… moms, a local realtor, some high school girls. A couple of lone workers typed, as I did, on my computer. So it was difficult to miss the random snoring sound that emanated from the guy sitting on a chair in the conversation area.

Every now and then his head would bob down onto his chest…he would sit like that for a moment until a snore would rouse him enough to lift his head again. It was the most perfect example of a power nap I have ever seen.

There are certain female things you learn as a girl… the whole period thing of course; but also the benefit of visiting the ladies room together (one of the few places we can share secrets) or the importance of a gently lit changing room for trying on bathing suits. Added to this should be the skill of napping.

I perfected napping in college, the first time I had the freedom to design my own schedule. 2:00 p.m. came around and my body needed a hour to rejuvenate, especially if I planned to study or play later. Working, sadly takes that freedom away again; perhaps it is one of the reasons I like managing my own schedule again as a mom and writer.

Probably the most important napping I, or any woman, does is during those early days of motherhood. Some of my friends found it impossible to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’. For me, though, it was like my daughter finally gave me the excuse I needed to snuggle down for some quiet time on my own. Even when she grew older and gave up her nap, and then quiet times, I continued to preserve that space and routine for myself.

Still, not many would find a Starbucks conducive for napping; and perhaps it wasn’t intentional on his part. There have been those times in my own life when I couldn’t stay awake, no matter how hard I tried. Two in particular I  need to apologize for…. The small college seminar of only 8 students where the professor had to ask me to leave… and the large company presentation in grad school where the presenter kept glaring at me and later wouldn’t give me the time of day at our meet and greet.

But for the most part I keep my public napping to isolated times and places. Airplanes are a favorite spot… And while I find it impossible to fall asleep in the sun, my character, Jessica doesn’t seem to have a problem with is when she is on the beach in Tahoe.

I suppose it is all goes back to that word, freedom. There are places I feel free and relaxed, and others that are too full of stimuli. That’s probably why you will never find me napping at Starbucks. How can I nap when there are so many interesting things to see and to overheard?

“My mom mostly shops at Kohls.”

So… now you, as well as my daughter’s friend, know where I buy most of my designer dudds. Easy in and out, easy returns, easy selection… it all adds up to an experience that fits my life (I know… it sounds like an ad). 
  
Sometimes, though, I am willing to spend a little more time and take the risk on a small, independent clothing store, like Ipnosi, in Portland. I am sure if I invested more time in discovering stores like this I would be able to find unique
clothes that better match my style and price tag than the big department stores. Better yet, if I only knew how to sew, I could completely customize my look and not worry about shopping at all.

So how do I decide which way to go? Interestingly, I have been having a similar internal debate about how to publish my work. Do I continue to look for an agent who can get my work seen by a huge mega-publisher? Do I target small,
independent publishers who might give me more attention and support? Or do I continue to sew it myself, so to speak, and self-publish?

I recently spoke withApril Eberhardt, a well known literary agent who is also very in touch with the changes happening in the publishing industry. Here’s what she had to say…

If you feel you've had success with self-publishing your first novel, and you've been satisfied with the process, that may be the best way to go with your second novel. It's the future of publishing, and authors like you who are willing to jump in now and develop experience in self-publishing will be the winners longer-term. 

As for smaller publishers, some are good and some aren't. Going with a weak (or worse) publisher can be damaging, and will delay your getting your book out on your own, in a way that you're proud of. Going with a great one, on the other hand, small or large, may help establish you in ways that are harder to do on your own. 

It's worth evaluating any publishers interested in your work by critiquing them carefully, and asking a few questions. 
- To begin with, if their covers and websites aren't good, those are reasons not to go with them, even if they're interested.
- To evaluate fit and value to you, ask for the edits they suggest and consider them vis-a-vis your manuscript--do their edits improve the manuscript in your view? If not, then this could be another reason not to work with them. 
- What will they offer you in terms of marketing and distribution? Contact a couple of their authors and verify that they have indeed done what was promised. Ask what went right and what didn't. Any publisher unwilling to allow you to talk to some of their authors has something to hide. 

Finally, after they pass the above hurdles, if you're interested in considering any publisher, small or large, ask for their author contract and have a publishing contract attorney review it for you. It's well worth the expense to ensure that the terms are fair to you, and that you're not getting locked into anything that will prevent your going the self-pub route eventually if things don't work out the way you envisioned. 

April’s advice has given me a solid platform for making this tough decision. Unlike shopping at Kohls, not everyone can have their novel printed by a large commercial publisher… and I am still looking for the publishing version of
Ipnosi. Until then self-publishing is a great way to continue to learn about all of the changes happening in this industry. 

And, it’s not saying much, but at least I know how to self-publish better than I know how to sew.

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Special day – April has agreed to be online with us during the day today to respond to your comments…. So don’t hold back. Are you thinking of self-publishing? Small house publishing? Going the agent route? Check in with April to get her read on current author best practices today, April 23rd.

We’re looking forward to hearing from you!
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“Yay… Dutch Brothers has coconut milk.”

My hair person finished by saying, “It’s the small things.”Mostly I would agree with this, except I struggle to find the excitement level in coconut milk; and it’s not like I haven’t tried it… I have. But for one thing it doesn’t taste anything like either coconut (at least not the shavings I am used to) or milk.

For her, though, this was a big deal; because as she explained she has given up all dairy, wheat and most sugar (even natural). So she only has coffee at home now, where she can apparently add her own coconut milk. So you
can understand her excitement, wow… at being able to actually order coffee out again; um, at one spot… and coffee that now doesn’t taste like coffee, milk or coconut. 

Huh! I think I still don’t get it.

Diets are funny that way. I understand and even sympathize with people who have a severe allergic reaction to foods like nuts or wheat. My own daughter has been on lactose free milk for years. But it is hard for me to fathom giving up the foods I love best so that my skin will look better or my waist will shrink. When I must diet (which I have to admit is right now) my goal is moderation rather than restriction. It isn’t always easy, but in the long run it works better for me because then I don’t gorge on my favorite foods once I lose the pound or two (or ten) that I need
to.

But I also know that not everyone is as into food as I am. It’s difficult for me to relate to, but I am fairly sure my daughter would be perfectly happy if she could get all her daily calories in a milkshake. Meanwhile, I’m trying to come up with a way to make a low calorie version of pasta carbonara. 

I think the chances of that, though, are about the same as my ever ordering coconut milk in my coffee.

“I’m ready to retire before I’ve even started my career.”

Who can’t relate to that? Work is a difficult concept to understand, especially when we are young and see an endless number of days stretch before us where we have to clock in. The trouble is that it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between living to work and working to live. Which side of that do we want to be on? The answer probably depends on how happy we are with our job.

Still, no matter how much we love our job…. and let me say here that I love writing and being a mom in a way I never did when I was a marketing manager… no matter how much, there are always going to be pieces of it that are tedious but have to get done anyway. And it is probably these tasks that the young Starbucks barrista was referring to when she laughed about wanting to retire early.

This is the reason I think winning the lottery would not be nearly as life-changing as many imagine. I would never be content to sit on a beach and read books. Sure it would be fun for a while…. But at some point I would want to begin editing them or marketing them or writing my own. And, if Iwant to do the job is it still considered work? 

Yesterday my husband and I met with a financial consultant to begin planning for our own, eventual and may years off, retirement. What do we want it to be like; we were asked. Huh! Well… I’d like to have a house in Italy. But let’s say I could afford that… what would I do then? Would I still want to write…. Of course. Would I want the Italian villa to be turn-key…probably not; I’d want to work on it to make it my own. 

In little and big ways, each question raises the idea that retirement doesn’t necessarily mean giving up work entirely… perhaps it only means that we control the work we do in a way that we can’t when we are clocking in and out of a day job.

And this makes me wonder if the choice isn’t the most important thing of all. We can’t always choose th work we have to do, but a we can choose our goal in doing that work. This then is how I would define a retirement state
of mind; and it can be applied at any point depending on the perspective we have on our work. 

So, from that standpoint we can all retire early…. in fact, the sooner the better. And maybe the best time of all could in fact turn out to be before we ever even start our career.

“Maybe we should bring back Fabio!”

We were talking about book cover design, and the things that could be done to purchased stock photos to play off the book’s theme. It was clear that one male model in particular has seen a lot of use on book covers, not unlike Fabio did years ago. 

I imagine cover art was the last thing being talked about at most writer’s workshops ten years ago. At that point, for most authors, cover art assumed a publisher… with an art department and editorial staff to direct. Now, though, with epublishing and self-publishing trending, it has become part of the toolkit authors are expected to carry.

The problem is… if other authors are like me, the last time they took a photo it was of the family on a Disney ride and the last time they actually drew something they were in primary school.  It is a new skill we need to learn, and so we discuss it at meetings and take lots of notes at conference workshops.

I would suggest, though, that while we may not be artists by trade, we are creative by nature. At the same time, most of us are prolific readers. So perhaps the very best thing we can do is analyze what is already out there. Below I have listed some examples of what I think might work for the type of writing I do. But here’s the thing…. Cover art is very genre specific. So go to Amazon, sort by type of writing, and look at those covers. That will be the best design
teacher of all.

The bottom line…. Just like Fabio was a model first and a business person second, authors also can prioritize writing and still ensure that their covers sell the wonderful words inside.


Here are my top three cover design lessons...

1. If you write a specific genre/style, replicate basic elements on the cover to brand yourself. Sophie Kinsella and Jill Mansell do this extremely well I think. Look at how the font used for the name is consistent; and while the books are not series books, the graphic elements are similar enough that the author is represented without distracting from the content of the story.

2. White edging on ebooks does not work. White on white on white… enough said.

3. Bigger is better. Fonts for author name and book title should be large and bright enough to be clear when a reader is scanning the category list. I don’t love the cover for number two, but at least if I have read books by Lynne Truss I know this is one of hers.

“They cancelled the press conference because the shooting was so awful.”

My imagination went into overdrive. I wanted to ask them what they meant, but there were little kids present and they seemed to be talking in code around them. Instead I pulled out my phone and tried to look up the news…
anything about shooting. But it drew a blank.

What could they have meant? It wasn’t until hours later that I found one possibility; the shooting of the two coast guard officers in Alaska yesterday. Still, it is sad to say that they could also have been speaking about any number of other shootings. A quick Google search of shootings ‘April 12, 2012’ returns pages of possible results.

The fact that gun control laws are even open for debate in our country seems ridiculous to me. Some statistics here might help: According to a report by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime in 2000 there were 2.97 firearm homicides per 100,000 people and a total of 4.55 homicides per 100,000 people overall in the U.S. (which allows private gun ownership) versus .52 and .12 firearm homicides per 100,000 people in Canada and the UK respectively
(which don’t allow private gun ownership). Their total homicides where much less as well; coming in at 1.58 and 1.45 per 100,000 people respectively.

I am a whimp when it comes to violence. Much as I loved The Hunger Games book, it took me until this week to actually get up the will to read it; and I am still not sure I want to see the movie.  I don’t write violence in my own books. And ever since Columbine (which I still have nightmares about), I avoid watching T.V. news when there is any kind of big, violent event. I hate that I am raising my daughter in a world where video games callously normalize guns and violence; it was only last year, at seven, that she even got a squirt gun. 

But on the other hand, I appreciate that we live in a country where our rights are protected; where we can debate these things openly and reach our own conclusions.

And with a good imagination that is just what I do. Last night I imagined the democrats and the republicans in congress having a huge water fight on the Mall in D.C.. The press wanted to hold a conference, but they were all
too wet.